The past couple of days have mixed into this vauge blue, pretty much proven by the ticket on my corkboard, and the bruises across my ribs.

So I suppose, we should start on Tuesday. After watching Heroes (by the way, I didn't like that episode), I made sure everything was packed and we went to Laura's house in a hyper fit of excitement, triggered by blue pop. Laura picked up a few things and then we were off to Nottingham.

We ended up sat in the Pit & Pendulum for a while, making videos while Laura sipped at her VK Blue and I had this lush VK Apple Mix. I love Pit & Pendulum. I can't wait to take Simon there xD

So, around 11:30pm, we were parked outside Rock City, absolutely freezing, with Primark blankets. Through the night, we sang ML songs under the blankets, I made a song up about Pombears, we were mistaken for beggers and we contemplated what time McDonalds opened. All in all, it wasn't bad. I ended up sleeping for about two hours-ish outside, because at about half 5, two more people joined the que.

At about six in the morning, I had to take a walk across to the other side of Nottingham to find the nearest toilet. Everything was shut apart from that particular toilet in the train station, which never closes. By the time I got back, it was quite light, and Laura went off to get us hot chocolate from McDonalds. Then she got back, and Claky came to see us. So we just stayed in the sun for a while and chilled out. The heat from the sun was amazing after spending a night sleeping in the cold, using my shoes as a pillow.

I think it was just before Claky left that Kirsty showed up. Kirsty is one of the River People who me and Laura met in October 2007 at the Madina Lake headlining show (thinking about that, it will have been 2 years since I first saw ML tomorrow). She's lovely, and I get on with her really well.

At about 9:20am, me and Kirsty wondered upto the tour buses to see if Madina Lake's bus was there. It turns out it had. And she started telling me about when Nathan came out of the bus at the K! Tour, and that's about as far as she got before I saw a familiar face walk across the street. I just pointed and went "Oh my God, Mateo" and Kirsty spun around and called him over.

The last couple of times I've met him, he's seemed unhappy, and not really wanting to meet people. So I assumed that he'd just give us a quick wave and dash off on the tour bus like he had before. I mean, I could understand why he was unhappy, so I didn't hold it against him (I just wanted to make that clear). Instead of that, he waved, looked across the road and then crossed it and started coming towards us. Inside I was screaming happily. So he was like "Hey guys," and we said "Hey" back. So here's what I remember the conversation going like:

"Hey guys."
"Hey."

Then Kirsty gave him a cut out from the metro of the band and he was like "I can't read it without my glasses!" but started reading it anyway, and seemed thouroughly pleased with it. Then he was like:

"We're in Nottingham aren't we?"
"Yeah"
"Yeah, I woke up this morning and I was like 'fuck yeah, I'm in Nottingham.' I just went out for like twenty minutes and ended up getting lost. It's a lovely place. So, are you the first ones here?"
"Yeah, there's a couple more people down there, but me and my friend have been here since half eleven last night."
"Shit, what time is it now?"
"About half nine."
"Shit."
"It's been too long since you last played here, y'know?"
"Yeah, I know, it's been like, 15 months since we last toured. Anyway, what are your names?"
"I'm Kirsty."
"Hi, I'm Mateo."
"I'm Ebbie."
"Abbie, right."
"No one gets it right the first time."
"What is it again?"
"Ebbie?"
"With an E?"
"Yeah."
"With an E. Ebbie. Nice. Anyway, I'd better go and eat my breakfast." Then he held up his breakfast, which consisted of a sandwich, a Mars bar and a can of Dr. Pepper. So we said our goodbyes, and mentioned we'd be at the signing. Then he went on the bus, and me and Kirsty sprinted back down the the line and started squeeing.

The rest of the day passed rather slowly. I saw some of the River People who I haven't seen in 15 months, ate lovely food and snuck into McDonalds to use their toilets way too much. At about 4:10pm, I left Rock City to go and meet Laura in the Blue Banana Signing que. I don't really want to compare this signing to the Two Seasons signing, because they were both great, but for completely different reasons. We were ushered in, and Mateo remembered me from the morning because he smiled and said "hey, good to see you again.". At this point, both me and Laura had these ML mugs that they hadn't seen before. So every time I went upto a new member, they'd just sign my t-shirt, and thank us for making our t-shirts and then admire my mug. It was only about 4 minutes long, but holy crap.

Mateo gets an award for the best reaction to Laura's little chibi ML. He just goes "Awh! It's me!"

I said when Mateo was signing my shirt "Finally, I have something signed by Mateo Camargo!" and he smiled at me. Then pictures, and then we moved on to Nathan, who thanked us for making the shirts, and I said we'd done it before and he was like "oh really? Man, that's awesome! Thanks so much." Then he looked at the mug and was like "we haven't seen these before, they look awesome!" and then we had pictures with him, and moved onto Matthew. I'd placed my mug on the table so I had enough hands to hold my camera while searching for a space on my t-shirt. And after signing my shirt and saying thank you, he picked up my mug and started looking at it intently. Then he suddenly went "I have a silver pen!" and started signing my mug. Then he gave it to Dan who signed it. Then we had pictures with Matthew. Lastly Dan signed my shirt, we had pictures with him, and then we were rushed out. I was so incredibly nervous, and I don't know why. I wasn't when I met them the first time. But it was just the speed that everything went at.

So I went back upto the line, and saw Simon, Claky, Rachel, Badge and some other guy who rushed off to the signing, and then Ben came along, and we talked for a while before he decided he wanted to go to Subway, so I went with him, and as we were walking down to subway, I ran into Simon, Claky and that lot who had t-shirts and mugs signed. And then Simon said he had a surprise for me, and I was like "what?"

So he gets out this piece of paper that says "I <3 Ebbie" on it, and then got his phone out.

Honestly, my face must have been like o_o

He'd gotten Matthew and Dan to have pictures taken with this sign, and as soon as I saw the pictures, I just started crying. I can't even tell you how much those photos and that sign meant to me. So once I'd calmed down, I went to Subway. I felt so elated. I do now.

So, after some que trouble, we went in about on time.

Yashin were the first band on stage, and they were amazing. Seriously. I just wanted to get into every bit of jumping and clapping as I could. I had both the singers diving over me and practically sitting on my head. I wish they were on after Flood of Red.

So yeah, Flood of Red were on next, and everything that could have gone wrong in that set pretty much did. At the end of the first song, the singer dived into the crowd with his microphone, and when he was pulled out, so was the mircophone cord. Which had broken. His face fell, and I felt so bad for him. Then at the end of the set, they were getting out these drums and just banging on them, but not only did the singer knock over the other drum, as soon as he started hitting it, one of the drumsticks broke. I seriously heard everyone in the crowd go "awh." I still think they were the worst band of the night. I saw them before with The Blackout, and I can't remember them being that clumsy.

The Audition were afterwards. I didn't really know what to expect, because it's been about a year since I last listened to them. I'd never seen them live or anything. I thought they were absolutely incredible. The music was just spot on, the crowd was lively, and I just adored jumping around, and catching the lead singers eye and have him singing at me for a few seconds. It was just incredible. I will definately see them again if they ever tour around here.

And then, after a pretty quick sound check, Madina Lake were bouncing onto the stage one by one. Dan, Matthew, Mateo and then Nathan. They tore onto the stage, and got the crowd going with Never Walk Alone, and I felt like it wasn't real. Being that close to my heroes while they did what they do best on stage. I just went with it, and jumped around, screamed along with the lyrics. I had this amazingly nice person next to me. When I was reaching for Nathan's hand, and Nathan was reaching for mine, but we couldn't quite reach, he lifted me up slightly so that I could grab his hand for a few seconds. When Nathan was stood right by me, I wasn't sure what to do while he was reaching over me, so I just grabbed a handful of his shirt and started singing towards Mateo. It was weird, I can't explain why I did it. I loved that they played so much stuff from Attics to Eden. No one got the clapping right for Legends, it was brilliant. They ended with Me. Vs The World, which is my favourite ML song, and I just screamed so loudly, it couldn't have been natural.

And that's the end really.

We had to hang around for a while to get home, and didn't get to sleep until about half one, but everything was worth it. It was the best gig ever, and an amazing day too.

Roll on Monday :D

So, it's only a few hours until Me and Laura are off to Nottingham for the night. For ML. I'm incredibly excited, and I seriously cannot wait for tomorrow night. Actually, in about 24 hours and 10 minutes, me and Laura will be outside Blue Banana waiting to get into a signing, so we can meet them. I'm seriously hoping we can get photos with them like the last signing.

I've done all I'm going to do on my t-shirt, but there's still a blank spot on the back. I prefered my old one.

Honestly, I don't have that much to write about today, because it's been mundane so far. I bought new nail varnish, but that's about all so far.

Oh, and I made part of a Vloggerpals video that I'm going to be making over the next week. I miss Vloggerpals.

Anyway, here's a list of things I need to do before about 7:

Charge my camera
Clean up
Eat
Pack
Make Laura's bed up for Wednesday
Start an essay

Here's a list of things I need to pack:

My camera
Tickets
Blankets
Food
Drinks
Wallet
Mirror & Eyeliner

Eeek, I'm well excited.

Right, I'm going to watch this episode of Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni which is the last one (enter sad face here) and then sleep. Shall be leaving for ML tomorrow, staying in Notts overnight, and then seeing Madina Lake, meeting them, buying a mug hopefully, coming home and collapsing. After walking Simon home anyway.

So, yeah, bye.

Ps: Wardy, if you read this, can you please email me?


Edit: Omg, that episode was actually epic. Amazing. I'm gonna try and watch Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni Kai this weekend <3

I've just been looking through my emails (I'm meant to be in psychology, but there's some kind of in-school offstead thing going off, and I was late when my teacher said that we had to be on time, so I thought that I'd just leave it for today, seeing as my teacher would be pissed, and I won't be getting my EMA this week anyway) and I found these emails from Matthew Leone, and they just make me feel a lot better.

I get one more nights sleep before Madina Lake in Nottingham now. I'm sure I'm going to have problems waking up on Thursday, but I only have two lessons before I can go back home and sleep through the rest of the day (which is something I really do intend to do.)

So, I wanted to share this email with you three readers, because it's incredibly special to me. Basically, I'd been having a terrible day, and there was something on my mind, which seems pretty stupid now, and really not a good reason to email someone from Madina Lake, but I did, and Matthew had replied within a few hours. It makes me smile everytime I read it.

-----Original Message-----
From: Elizabeth Brown
Date: Fri, 15 Feb 2008 20:52:17
To: Matthew Leone

Hey again, Matthew.

I firstly want to apologise to emailing you again, but I wanted to ask you something because it's been on my mind for a couple of weeks now. I don't know if you remember me or not, but I'm one of the girls from Nottingham with the home made t-shirts. When you saw the shirts we'd made, you said to us "you don't know how much this means to us."

And what me and my friend were both wondering was, why did they mean something to you? Or why did they mean so much to you? We were thinking that you play all around the world, there must be another person who's done something similar. I'm sorry if this email doesn't make much sense. It's been a long day.

Regardless, I hope that you're all well.

Ebbie xx

Re: ‏
From: Matthew Leone
Sent: 15 February 2008 23:04:09
To: Elizabeth Brown

Ebbie...the fact that we have connected so strong and you guys took the time to interpret what we do and reillustrate it onto a shirt, means something we do is resonating with you. That's important. Xoxo Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

I think I used to email them a little too much. I don't think that there was much need to apologise for emailing him again, because I've only emailed him like, four times in my entire life, and he's replied to me three times, so he obviously thought that what I had to say 3/4 times was worth the reply.

I'm actually too excited about this gig to explain. I'm just really hoping that my back gets better and there are minimal 14 year old fan girls with pointy elbows on the second row. One of the River People told me that the weather isn't looking bad tomorrow night, so we shouldn't be too cold, which isn't bad. I hope that it's right though because at the minute, it's chucking it down, and I'm still pretty soaked.

Currently, I have a group of people sat behind me and to the left, and they find the most unfunny things fucking hilarious. Wtf?

So I'm in Sixth Form til about three this afternoon, and then I get home, and go driving at half five, get in, get a phonecall after 7, and then sit and do work until a reasonable hour, which I will go to bed. I'm not waking up earlier than I have to. Tomorrow, for some reason, is a half 8 day. When I don't have to be in school until about half 10, for guidance, which is a fucking pointless lesson.

I don't have anything better to do with my time, so I'm trying to find something to talk about on here for the next 25 minutes before the bell goes for break. Then I need to ask Claky if he can possibly come to Sutton with me, because I need to get my sister a birthday card (good sisters always forget their sisters birthdays), but I'm not sure that I'm dedicated enough to walk for twenty minutes in the rain, to buy a birthday card, and then walk twenty minutes back into school. If I'd known that she was going to be in the country for her birthday sooner, I would have planned this out a lot better. Saying that, I've known for a week that she was going to be coming back to England.

I'm bored of writing this now, so I'm going to go and read other peoples blogs.

So, what's happened today:

I woke up early, watched a programme about breakdancing, and then felt like crap for a while, and then fell down the stairs and bruised my leg, and then my sister came back! I'm sat downstairs in the living room at the minute with Becca and my mum (just as I typed that, they both left, so now I'm alone) and we've just had a family day really. So me and my sisters were together again for the first time in like, three, four years, something like that. So my mum took photos. I'll post one of those. We were looking at them afterwards, and we do the thing that we always do, where Becca says she looks fat (with reason, there's a baby growing in her) Helena says something about her fringe, and I just glare at myself.


So I need to go out and get some coke. At the minute, Becca, Helena and Lee are sat across from me, looking at photos from New Zealand, Derek is washing the pots, and Ethan, Jaden and my mum are upstairs. Busy house is busy.

You know what I hate?

People on MSN who don't talk to you for months, and then they'll say "hey" and you'll reply "hey" and they'll be like "can you send me that song that you're listening to?" and they don't even ask how you are, so you're like "sure, i'll do it later though cause i'm going for a bit," and then you have to block them and make your contact list look really messy.

Sorry, but that happens to me too much. It's like "just buy the freakin' CD or find a freakin' torrent for that CD that you can't be arsed to buy." I don't mind so much if it's a leaked album. But when I'm feeling charitable to these people that I barely know and they don't even say thank you, it pisses me off.

So I have the blankets for Tuesday. I got them today when I ended up going down Mansfield with Simon and Angj, as opposed to Nottingham, which was just never sorted out. I also spent the last of my money on Rock Sound, an awesome t-shirt and Maybe Memories (by The Used. I've been trying to get this for years, but it's always been a ridiculous price. Today it was £3! I couldn't resist!)

And then I went to Simon's house afterwards and we watched Mean Girls, and then I came home. It was a pretty lovely day.

My sister comes home tomorrow. She's probably somewhere over India at the minute. I can't wait. Tomorrow morning I'm gonna go to the bank, and then to the local newsagents for a huge bar of Dairy Milk for her.

At the minute, I'm looking at pictures of ML, before ML ever came to be. My favourite one is the picture of Dan Torelli with short hair, but a close second would be Matthew with bright red hair.

So, here's Matthew:


And here's Dan:


So, I'm just listening to The Blank Theory. I love The Blank Theory. Shame I'll never get to see them live, but I love Madina Lake a lot more, so it's something I'm happy to live with.

So, this blog will come to you in 5 parts.

Part 1 - The DFTBA song.
Just as a note, this is the best song. Ever. <3

>.<

Part 2 - Vloggerpals

I miss the channel, and I miss takling to Charlie. I hope that he still considers me to be a friend you know. Darn alcohol. It gets me thinking about all these people that were like, pretty big in my life and I just drifted away from them slowly.

Part 3 - Luvsux w/Simon. Spending time with Simon is always fun. He found this dopey bear that he really loved, so I said I'd get it for a birthday present for him. He's informed me that he would be calling it Amos, after Tori Amos. I'm very tempted to buy one of those bears for myself. Seriously, cutest thing ever. But at the cafe, I was actually dying for a drink, so after a large pepsi, I had to get another small one because I was so freakin' thirsty.

Part 4 - Totally random hanging out with Laura. We played the Yu-Gi-Oh drinking game, and took pictures, made videos and were like "you ain't got ta lie" a lot. Oh, and we watched The Inbetweeners, which was actually hilarious, and I love it. I like the photo below. Quite a lot. Smile, today is a good day.
Part 5 - Continuation of my dreams.
I had the most horrific dream ever last night. It was really painful, and I can't describe it. Basically, I'd spent a lot of last night watching Higurashi, and there was this awful scene in which Shion had to remove her fingernails. I suppose that's why I dreamt about it. Or I hope so. I had to strip myself of four of my fingernails to save Madina Lake's lives (one for each of them, obviously) so I did that, and I swear it was the most painful dream ever. And then after that was over with, I blacked out for like, a second, and then when I woke up, they'd strapped me to this big torture table thing, and I think Nathan was saying that he was going to hammer a nail into each of the joints in my fingers, which would make 15, and then my alarm went off.

I have never been more grateful of that alarm clock. That dream scared the crap out of me.

Now I'm tired, and I'm hoping that I'll have a lovely dreamless sleep tonight. Fuck off REM sleep. You actually fail at life.

Simon just makes me laugh way too much.


Spark - I'm Just A Flavour You Crave On Instinct says:
i don't think i'm ready to have a duck yet
Ebbie;; where i can't stand who i am [6&11 Days] says:
awh why?
Spark - I'm Just A Flavour You Crave On Instinct says:
Because they're so much work
Ebbie;; where i can't stand who i am [6&11 Days] says:
are they?
Spark - I'm Just A Flavour You Crave On Instinct says:
Yes
Spark - I'm Just A Flavour You Crave On Instinct says:
they are like dogs
Spark - I'm Just A Flavour You Crave On Instinct says:
but they can fly
Ebbie;; where i can't stand who i am [6&11 Days] says:
xD
Ebbie;; where i can't stand who i am [6&11 Days] says:
that made me laugh too much xD
Spark - I'm Just A Flavour You Crave On Instinct says:
Hahahha what why?
Ebbie;; where i can't stand who i am [6&11 Days] says:
i have no idea, but I'm posting it in my blog

I've had the weirdest dreams over the last couple of days.

First, there was the dream where my teeth just started falling out. I can't remember how this started but, my teeth were just all over the floor. And it wasn't like, normal amount of teeth. It was litrally hundreds and hundreds of teeth and litres of blood falling out of my mouth.

Then there was the dream where The Blackout were randomly playing an acoustic gig outside Hogs Head in Nottingham, and there was a guy with a bucket for a head. He didn't have a bucket on his head. The bucket was his head. And Sean Smith had no hair.

And last night I had a totally horrific dream. Me and Simon were wondering around sixth form (no one else was there. I think the school was closed for the night or something, but we were just walking around) and all of a sudden he like, pushes me against this wall and was like "I love you" and I was stood there thinking "lulwut?" Then he just starts kissing me, and I push him off and I'm like "what the hell? no" and then he just gouges my eyes out in a very Elfin Lied-y kind of way. It was freakin' horrible. I woke up like D:<

So, here's the scheduel for the next couple of weeks.

23rd April: Sixth Form
24th April: Sixth Form, and 'luvsux' with Simon.
25th April: Nottingham or Simon's house.
26th April: My sister comes back! Big dinner. Fun times.
27th April: Sixth Form and driving lesson.
28th April: Leave for Nottingham
29th April: Madina Lake! Meet and Greet at Blue Banana.
30th April: Sixth Form, gushing about the gig.
01st May: Inset Day! Lie-in. Recovering.
02nd May: Simon's birthday. Rock Climbing. Woop.
03rd May: I have a free day here :]
04th May: Sheffield for more ML fun. HMV signing, Acoustic gig. <3
05th May: I am determind to make a video for Vloggerpals. In between sixth form.

I also need to buy my prom ticket, and neon clothing.

There are some things that you find, and you just have to try them.

Pick Your Artist: Madina Lake

Are you male or female: Pandora
Describe yourself: In Another Life
How do you feel about yourself: Never Take Us Alive
Describe where you currently live: House Of Cards
If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Welcome To Oblivion
Your favorite form of transportation: Never Walk Alone
Your best friend is: River People
Your favorite color is: Stars
What’s the weather like: Perfect
Favorite time of day: Morning Sadness
If your life was a tv show, what would it be called: Lila, The Divine Game
What is life to you: Me Vs. The World
What is the best advice you have to give: Now or Never
If you could change your name, what would it be: Adalia
Your favorite food is: March of the Pigs (I realise it's a cover, but allow xD)
Thought for the Day: Let's Get Outta Here
How I would like to die: Escape From Here
My soul’s present condition: Not For This World
The faults I can bear: Friends & Lovers
My motto: Through The Pain

Half of those make no sense. But whatever xD

YouTube quiz, fo' shizzle.


Username:
Ebbieee

Why did you pick it?:
Because it's my name. The 2 extra e's have no meaning. xD

Who did you first subscribe to?:
Boh3m3. I loved him. But he doesn't really post videos anymore :/

Who did you most recently subscribe to?:
MlFansdotNet

What does your last text message say?:
It would be Ben, telling me he got his ML ticket, but I don't have my phone anymore, and I only know that because he told me earlier on MSN.

Do you have any goals?:
Yes. Too many

What was the last thing you bought?:
I bought 2 packets of Transformer Snacks, one of those ice stick things, a bottle of Spar cola and 20 Richmond Menthol Superkings at lunch.

Describe the person who posted this using one line?:
My favourite person ever.

Are you excited about anything?:
Madina Lake! Madina Lake! Madina Lake! And the Madina Lake! meet&greets :]

Do you have a crush?
On a certain Mr. Leone. Yess. I can't help it. I'm such a fangirl xD

Have you ever been drunk?:
Yeah, too much recently.

Who was the first Youtuber you met in real life?:
Claky, but I knew him before youtube. The first person I met off YouTube would be Jordan in 2006 or 2007 I think.

Who was the last Youtuber you met in real life?:
Claky xD

Do you pefer day or night?:
Night

Are you a member of any collab channels?:
Yup. On Hiatus atm though.

Do you have a secret account?:
Noo.

Do you believe in God?:
I'm not sure. I think I have to find myself a little more before I decide on my faith.

Which youtuber do you talk to the most?:
Claky, of course. xD

Which Youtuber do ou think makes the best videos?:
Oh, I can't pick one.

You may only subscribe to 5 channels and only watch their videos. who will they be?:
TehClakster
Sergentpeper1967
Nerimon
JohnnyDurham19
Jimmy0010

Are you in a relationship?:
Nope

would you date a smoker?:
I'd be an absolute hypocrite if I said no. xD

Where is your favourite place?:
Rock City, or Pit Tip. Actually, any dingy little venue where you stick to anything you touch.

Are you a happy person?:
I can be, obviously. Not right now really.

What would you take to the desert island? :
Madina Lake? Is that allowed? xD

Do you prefer sun or snow?:
Sun

Who did you last speak to on the phone?
My mum

Who did you last text?:
Fucking hell, god knows.

What are you doing tommorow?:
I have school, and then coming home and being a laze xD
Probably helping my mum get things ready for my sister.

What is your favourite flavour of potato chips?:
Salt and Vineger.

What size are your feet?:
6 and a half on one foot. Nearly a 7 on the other xD

What do you want?:
Hm, I'm happy with what I have at this moment in time.
Oh £150 for more driving lessons maybe. I have no money, and no lessons left.

What do you need?:
£150 for more driving lessons. xD

What do you remember?:
A bunch of stuff.

What do you wish?:
I wish I had a chance to follow my dreams.

Confess:
I'm already thinking about my wedding, when I'm very much single and 18 years old? xD

Honesty. Do you want people to anonymously post what they REALLY Think of you ?:
I'd rather them not waste their time posting shitty comments. But each to their own. Whatever xD

So I went to go and make a cup of tea this morning and my mum came up to me and the conversation went something like this:

Mum: "Morning, I have a surprise for you"
Me: "What's that? Should I be worried?"
Mum: "Becca will be back for Sunday dinner!"

This is when I broke out into a fit of excited squeals and grinning.

For those of you who don't know, Becca is my sister who's been living in Australia/New Zealand for the last three years. And she's coming back! On Sunday! I cannot tell you how shocked, and happy I really am. So here's what's happening in between school for the next couple of weeks:

Sunday: Sunday dinner with my entire maternal family.
Next Wednesday: Madina Lake! Madina Lake! Oh my god, Madina Lake!
Next Saturday: Rock Climbing.
The the next Monday: Madina Lake, twice! <3

WHY AM I AWAKE NOW?!

I don't wanna go to fucking school. For fucking psychology and fucking philosophy and ethics. Do. Not. Want. jisofjsju D:

So today has been odd. I ran into my ex boyfriend, Wardy. And things were a little bit awkward, but to be honest, I was feeling very guilty about some stuff that I'd said to him a couple of months previously. But I'm glad that he seems well. Kind of. I'm not gonna get into it. It's none of my business. I just came home afterwards and cried for about half an hour. But he has a mini. A fucking mini!

In other news, me and my step brother Badge have this theory that anything that happens in this house is random, and can never be explained. For example, him finding his camera charger in a box filled with Yu-Gi-Oh cards.

I'm gonna watch a couple of ML updates and then get off to bed I think. I don't know what to make of today.

Oh, I totally paid my mortgage off on Animal Crossing. I don't know what to do now though xD

I've been looking through my myspace friends, and I've just realised how I'm going no where, and it's not even at a fast rate.

One of my old friends is a model, and she's living in a flat with her boyfriend. One of my friends has her own house, and she's expecting her first baby in September. One of my old friends works for P&O cruises and gets to go to Amsterdam every weekend. And all of my friends have a path that they want to follow - they want to become journalists, or photographers, or teachers.

I know what I want to do with my life. I don't want to go to university, so I can get a well paid job, and live comfortably. I want a life where nothing is certain, and there's surprises around every corner. I want a life where I don't really have a home, and I spend most days in a van. I've always wanted to have a life in music, where I'd clamber onto a stage at some late hour after sound checking, and entertain people who had handed over money to see a show. That's how I've always wanted my life to be, but while I know that path is out there, somewhere, I'm being pushed towards the more sensible path.

I'm so uncertain right now. This just brings it back. I need an escape route. Can anyone help me?

I've just slept for 14 hours, and I feel like crap. I'm tired, and I feel sick, and I'm excited, so that makes me feel more sick. I found out something was happening at a HMV, while I am already in that city, and I want to go. I don't want to say what it is because I'll just foam at the mouth with excitement and I'm not even sure that we're going yet. Maybe I'll tell you, if it ever happens? I don't know xD

Just know that I am painfully excited.

Laura stayed over last night, and we played on GH3, and Rayman Raving Rabbids. We started making our t-shirts for the Madina Lake gig. I think we're both dead set on buying Madina Lake mugs at the signing. I hope it's as good as the Two Seasons signing, but I don't think it will be, since it's later on in the day, and I'm guessing Madina Lake will have a lot more River People to greet.

But anyway, we got really hyped up for the gig.

Then Claky came over and we did some stuff, which I can't remember being huge, you know. The usual. Watched anime and stuff. I would have liked to be a better host, but at the moment, it feels like someone it stabbing me at the top of my spinal cord, and it fucking hurts. It's felt like that all day. I would go to the doctors, but the last time I went to tell him about my back pain, he sent me to the hospital. So I'd rather not until it gets unbearable.

I just watched the Animal Crossing movie, and it was like, the cutest film I've ever seen. I fucking loved it! <3

It's just gone midnight, so therefore, it's only 13 days until the gig now. I can't tell you how fast the butterflies are multiplying in my stomach at the mere mention of the gig.

Yesterday I didn't blog because I was just too tired. But Simon came over, we went to Sutton, walked around a little and had a nice chip cob a piece. It was lovely. He came over to mine afterwards and we watched a ton of ML videos on youtube, he started his ML shirt, we took Dailybooth pictures and watched Forrest Gump before he had to go.

And today I've been working on part one of four of my present for Madina Lake. Once I've met them, and given them copies, I'll probably post what I've done on here. I just don't feel like putting up what I've done now, because you can never trust those internet people (all 3 of you that read my blog? Helloo -waves-). Maybe a watermark of some kind? Idk. I spent about 12 hours on it though, so I'm definately getting them printed off and I'm going to give them to the band.

In 13 days! <3

So yes. I've had a full day, and I've loved it.

I saw my dad, and his black hair is slowly fading into a mass of white. It's quite strange to be honest. And rather scary. So I went indoor rock climbing, and my instructor (I suppose that's what you call them, I don't really know) Adam was so cute. Although when he was telling me how to put my harness on, he said "why are you wearing a madina lake t-shirt?"

I didn't really feel like arguing with him since technically I could have climbed a 50ft wall, told him I was coming down and he could have let me fall to my paralysis. Any other given situation, I would have totally kicked his arse, ahaha. But he was very nice nevertheless. He recommended me some bands, and asked me about why I didn't see Zebrahead at Download, as opposed to Black Tide (honestly, I don't know the answer to that question).

Anyway, I'll get to see him in about 17 days when I go back (Rotherham, really!?) to get my Beginners Certificate in Rock Climbing Safety, and then maybe doing the Rock Start course. I'm not sure yet. But me and Adam did get on quite well. My accomplishment for the day was getting near the top of a 50ft wall. I'm hoping that next time I get an hour, I can get to the top. As soon as I look down I'm just like "Fuck! I'm coming down!" Ahaha. Note to self: ignore my cheering step-family and dad cheering. My dad used to be a big time rock climber, so maybe I managed to inherit that from him rather than epic hair loss.

I have a new phone now. I'm pretty pleased with it to be honest. It's a model down from the one I had before, but black and hot pink. <3

I've had a great day. And I officially have a hobby away from the internet! And away from anime and manga which is just purely weird.

I'm at my Grandparents, and I can't believe how slow their computer is. I asked my grandma if they had wireless over the phone, to which she replied "yes" so naturally, I bought my laptop. However, they do no have any kind of wireless internet connection, so I'm stuck with this computer which is so unbelievably slow. Once it's warmed up, it's not so bad. But 20 minutes to get onto twitter is stupid.

So, while I've bought my laptop with me, which is useless, it looks like I haven't bought a lighter with me and I'm really not all that happy about that. I need a lighter. But it looks like I'm going to have to find some matches or something. I've always been crap with matches.

My grandma made me vegetable soup, bless her. She's still not used to the fact that I'm a vegetarian though because she offered to make me a lamb sandwich for tomorrow. Even if I wasn't a vegetarian, I would definately not eat a lamb sandwich. It's a baby animal. Don't lie about that. You told me that it was actually sheep once, and it took about a year to register that when you eat sheep, it's mutton. Not freakin' lamb! D:

So I've had something to eat, and now my grandparents are watching the golf, so I just came out of their way while they do that, because I've never found watching sports interesting. Which reminds me, I'm going indoor rock climbing with my dad tomorrow, which I'm excited about. Though I'm sure Rosie will be there, and I always manage to feel stupidly awkward around her. She's nice and everything, but I just never know what to say to her. I feel really awkward around a lot of people. Usually I can find something to babble about, but a lot of the time, I'm just like "oh right" when they tell me something, and it falls into an uncomfortable silence. Fun times?

I think not.

Simon uploaded the photos from the gig last night, and I actually love them. I look like a dork in a lot of them, but whatever, goooood times.

I'm listening to the best song off The Melencholy of Haruhi Suzumiya ever. Yuki, Muon, Madobe Nite. If you like Japanese pop music, I'd suggest youtubing it.

I'm not sure what I really feel like doing at the minute. I can hear my grandma cheering at the golf. She's buying me a new phone for Easter, which I totally didn't ask for. I have to ask my dad for money tomorrow, even if it's just a loan. I need to book my theory test really badly.

Anyway, that's pretty much all I have in me for today, so I'm going to try and find something interesting to do. Why did I come here so early? I think it's time for some online tetris.

So, I just got back from The Rasmus and Backyard Babies, which was quite fun to be honest. Although I've been feeling utterly rough all day, so I left early and didn't get to see all that much of The Rasmus' set. Backyard Babies were awesome though!

I loved seeing Claky again. We did the normal stuff (looking around book shops and that) and I got another Zelda Manga, which I'm going to take to my grandparents tomorrow (since that's where I am tomorrow night, and I do believe their internet is made of suck, and loss).

I was talking to these two guys on the bus, and they said they'd facebook me, but I'm guessing there are a lot of Elizabeth Brown's on there, so that's pretty fail. I doubt I'll be getting any friends requests from them anytime soon anyway.

I don't think I have all that much else to say, so I'm gonna get comfy and watch the Haruhi concert that's just finished downloading I think.

I'm excited about tomorrow. I'm seeing The Rasmus, after seeing Claky and then I'll be happy.

I miss Claky, I haven't seen him in over a week and it's all kinds of weird for me.

I just took a photo on Dailybooth and got an insane amount of replies in such a short time. It's really nice to be honest. All I did was take a picture with this canvas I have with a quote on it, which I'll post now, alone with a quick picture of the quote.



So tomorrow will be awesome. I can't wait. I would say today has been uneventful, but it's been the opposite really. It's nothing I really want to go into, so I'll refrain. Speaking of quotes, I'm listening to my favourite Madina Lake song ever. So I'm just going to post that in here. Cause I can, and yes, I realise I seem obsessed. I'm not. Really. o_O

[Title at the request of Simon]

Here's an email that I sent to Dan Torelli, and the reply :]



Hey,
I just wanted to send a quick e-mail to say that I watched your video on vegetarianism about six or seven weeks ago, and I took your advice and tried a vegetarian diet for three weeks like you said and I can't thank you enough. My health has since improved and I believe it's because of the diet that I'm on at the minute and I think the video sort of nudged me in the right direction. Thanks a lot for that, and I'll see you in January (:
Ebbie
xo



amazing! I'm really glad it worked for you, i normally hate "pushing" my beliefs on people, but peta asked so we did it, and if it got you started on it and its made you feel better then it's worth it!!
thanks for lettin me know, see you in Jan, much love!!!!!!!!!
-Chizel

Okay, I'm feeling a lot less angry now. I found my old diaries, so I thought I would type out some of my Madina Lake experiences. Just because I can, and I'm excited.



5th October 2007

I have serious amounts of writing to do. Major amounts. So much that there needs to be subheadings.

What can I really say about the Madina Lake show? It was the best night of my life easily. There were major negatives, but the positives make up.

Me and Laura got up at half 5, got into Nottingham for half eight, and we got outside Rock City for about 8:45am. The next person got there at 9, so we got there at the right time to be the first in. Then the next people were there at about 9:30.

These people were Kirsty (she was really nice, and saved our places in line when we needed to pee), Adam (who was a complete and utter legend) and his sister Emma (I believe). Ten hours outside Rock City, and I expected them to drag like fuck, but they flew by in a blur of games, and runing up and down the street. After many games of "When I went to the festival..." the que got up, and a girl in a wheelchair went in before us, and while I was glancing through the door, who should I see but Dan Torelli, followed by Mateo, and then Nathan and finally Matthew.

Oh, God. I couldn't believe it.

Twenty minutes after they'd disappeared, we were let in. My American Heart were the first band on (I'd seen Larry earlier in the day, shouted "Hiii" at him, and he waved. He looked absolutely terrified, but obviously managed to sum up the courage to wave back :) ) They played Tired & Uninspired, which me and Laura sang along to quite happily. The guitarist (I think he's called Jesse) saw me and Laura singing along and nodded like he was thinking "yeah, yer cool." They were the best support band by far. They were amazing.

Although they were awesome, I can't really be arsed to write about Halifax and Envy On The Coast. What I will say though, it while they were playing, Nathan made another appearence, and I waved at him, and he waved back! The same happened with Mateo and Matthew too!

The time they were on stage is a blur. I remember the elbows of complete 14-year-old fangirls sticking in my back and my shoulders, which resulted in them getting headbutted by my about fifteen times. There was a lot of confetti too.

The highlights of their set were as follows:

-Adalia, Nathan stage diving.
-Mateo jumping into the crowd and playing in front of me and Laura for half a song. It was amazing.
-Nathan coming back on stage shirtless after jumping off an amp stack during True Love.
-Nathan announcing the next tour, which is in January.
-After they played March of the Pigs, they all jumped into the crowd and thanked the front row. I got to shake Nathan, Matthew and Mateo's hands. It was incredible.

Though we didn't get to meet them, and me and Laura cried. But I wouldn't change much about that night. I loved it. Best day ever. <3

Later, I will bring you emails from the band that are stuck in my diary xD

Here's a fucking angry letter to someone who enrages me every single freakin' day.



Dear Mum.

I wish that I had the guts to tell you this to your face, but I really don't. I just need to get this off my chest.

Firstly, I'd like to address school/sixth form/university. When I went back to school after having two years out, you were no help. You didn't want to sit down with me and talk through any school work that I didn't understand because you never had the energy. I can deal with that. While I've been going to sixth form, and had problems, you've sat there and cried because you felt sorry for yourself. Nevermind what I've been going through, you'd sit and cry and demand sympathy for yourself. While I've been applying for university, you haven't even bothered to look through my options with me, and you've complained to every teacher you've come across about how stressful it is. How stressful what is? You've done nothing but sat on your arse and moaned at me for not picking the right course, or the right university that isn't on my fucking doorstep.

Secondly, my driving lessons. I know that they are expensive, as you always remind me, and I've appreciated all the lessons so far. You told me that you'd help me get my license (by paying for my lessons) and that you thought it would give me more confidence. This is after months of personal problems, and my confidence being stomped all over. You told me today that I have to pay for my own lessons, my theory test and my driving test. I do not have the money to do this. Therefore, it's possible I'll have to stop driving lessons weeks away from being ready for my test. So I have very little choice in the matter now, and I'm going to have to ask my dad (who I see once every few months if I'm lucky) and my grandparents (who are quite obviously living on savings) for money so I can finish my driving lessons, and get my licence, even though you were the one who said you would pay for them. You know something? Driving lessons were, strangely enough, giving me confidence, and you manage to step all over that, leaving me feeling useless. I'm a good driver, and I just want my license, and that's looking very unlikely.

Next, there's something that has always bothered me. When he was younger, Darren was given the hobby of working with his dad on cars, when my sisters were younger, they got to go horseback riding and ice skating as their hobbies. Why did I not get that? Any hobbies I have (going to concerts, reading books, writing, music) I have funded myself. My dad paid for a few dance lessons when I was younger, and I wish I could have continued that.

There's so much more that I'm angry about. Like every time I do something wrong, I get told that I have to move out, I get told that I'm useless and basically, you put me through mental hell. Some of the things you have said to me have absolutely broken my heart, and I always find that I'm the one saying sorry.

Well you can forget that. I'm not saying sorry for trying my hardest and still not doing too well at school. I'm not saying sorry for applying to a university that's about a hundred miles away. I'm not saying sorry for any remarks I've made about the promise you made to me about driving. I'm not saying sorry for not being the perfect child you hope I'd be. I'm not saying sorry anymore. Maybe you should try apologising now and again, and I'd feel a lot less angry.

I appreciate the little help you have given me, and I thank you for that, but get off your high horse. You aren't as good as you think.

Today I have to learn how to bay park, which I really don't feel like doing.

I spent a lot of the night lying in bed (it was fucking BOILING) watching Fruits Basket. I freakin' love this anime, I just wish that they'd make a second season, or the price of the manga would magically fall. It's like £7.50/£8.50 an issue, which is ridiculous.

The only manga that I really want to buy this month is the new volumes of Zelda and The Melencholy of Haruhi Suzumiya (this is where I have a little spasm because I want the new Haruhi so bad).

I have time to get some noodles, with sweetcorn and salad creme before I have to go and drive a car, which I don't want to do, at all. I'm so close to being put in for my test, and my mum isn't paying for anymore lessons, so guess where all my money's going to be going. And I really need to book my theory test.

PLEASE TO BE HELPING ME REVISE FOR MY THEORY TEST SIMON!

Okay, I think that's all I really have to say, just my thoughts. I've not been awake long, so nothing really interesting has happened. It's been a week since I've seen Claky though, and I can't tell you how utterly weird it feels.


20 Days!

It's 21 days until I see Madina Lake in Nottingham, and 26 til I see them in Sheffield. I watched videos of them playing at Nottingham (K! Tour - Best gig of my life, seriously) and just started crying my eyes out. I really can't explain how much I love the music, and the guys themselves. They're the most down to earth people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. I just miss going to their gigs every four or five months (for those of you wondering, it will have been 10 months by the time we see them, which is a fucking long time.) I love what they think of England, like it's a really special place when it blatently isn't.

Basically, I've had a total ML day with Laura, and it's been awesome. I can't really explain it. I just think that these 21 days running upto the first gig are going to be painful xD

I have butterflies just thinking about it.

[PS: ML Lyrics are going to be the titles of my blog posts until the day after Sheffield. <3]

I haven't had that much of an eventful day, so I'm just going to blog about something that I hold very close to me, and somethings that I've just picked up along the way.

When I was about 14, I lost one of my best friends through something very avoidable. I'm not really in the mood to go into the details about her, and what happened to her, but some of it seems very necessary. Basically, she was a 14 year old girl who was desperate and thought that the only way to get out of her situation was to take her own life, and I can't begin to tell you how much that's affected me. It was soon after, not right after, because there was a hell of a lot of grieving involved, that I made a promise to myself to help anyone that I could if they needed it, just by talking to them, and I feel that it's paid off. Maybe it's like, self gratification - I don't know if it can really be classed as doing something moral since I get my 'kicks' from it. I've been told from about three people that I've helped them in some way when they were feeling like they were on the edge of breaking down. The thing is, I've never had to comfort someone in person, it's always been over MSN. It just goes to proove that communication is all that you really need to use to help someone - just an email, or a small message over something can help a lot more than I'd have ever thought.

A couple of days ago, a friend said to me, after breaking up with his girlfriend that he felt like he didn't have anyone left to live for. I had a moment of panic before quickly typing "Well, what about me? I know I may not be that important, but I can be something small that gives you a purpose for being here."

Today, he told me this.

Lets be realistic i'm only a statistic to you says:
thanks for being great during all this btw, it's been amazing to have someone here for me and i can't thank you enough

To be honest, I don't feel like I've done anything. He's just talked, and I blurted stuff out in a mad panic that I thought would be meaningless, but it turns out, it was helpful. I hate to sound preachy, and I realise I do. But I kinda want to read back on this and smile, thinking that I've done something worth while.

To be honest, I've had times of utter desperation, where I felt like I didn't have anyone to turn to, but I could always find some reason to live. Usually just listening to Madina Lake's album would be enough to remind me why I wanted to live. So that's why I'm rather insistant that Madina Lake changed my life, and totally saved me from myself. It sounds, cliche. It sounds awful to be honest. I did have friends, but I didn't want to communicate with them. It just seems so simple.
That's all I really have to say. I don't suppose this has any real meaning, just my thoughts, is all.

Today I went over to Simon's house and I had the best time ever!

We went on the internet for a while, and then took dailybooth photos (I'll put on of them in later) and he just made me laugh with his camera. It's sellotaped together with like, blue tack hanging off the bottom and I was all like "I'd like to think that if you took the blue tack off the bottom, your camera would just disintergrate" and we laughed.


We revised for his theory test too. Some of the questions in that book were just ridiculous. For example:

Why would you plan another route?

-Your route is blocked off
-Toll booth
-You get stuck behind a tractor.

We laughed for absolutley ages, it was hilarious.

And then we watched The Notebook, and it was a lovely film! I adored it! I'm so gonna buy it on DVD the next time I'm out. It was awesome. I nearly cried.

I absolutely love spending time with Simon, he's just like, one of the most awesome people ever put on the planet. I adore him, just because I can tell him anything, and he always makes me laugh by saying ridiculous things. <3

Totally just booked the tickets.

I hope Laura can go or otherwise I am going to be very lonely.

I don't understand why I'm getting followed by these people on Twitter, but it makes me smile.



For those of you who don't know, Nathan Leone is the singer of Madina Lake, Dan Torelli is the drummer of Madina Lake and Matthew Leone is the bassist of Madina Lake.

So, nothing major has happened today, apart from the emails this morning which just set me up with a good mood for the rest of the day. I've played copious amounts of Rollercoaster Tycoon (which still makes me feel stupidly nostalgic) and listened to Madina Lake's new album a lot, as well as a bunch of Japanese songs (I can totally sing all the words to Lost My Music now! Japanese ftw!) but otherwise, my day has been stupidly uneventful. Tomorrow's going to be about the same, but Monday I'm over at Simons, and then I have driving. And then back to some more uneventfulness. I feel like I should be preparing for some kind of Vloggerpals video, but we're on hiatus now, so I don't have to do that, which leaves a lot of free time for revision. Great.

I cannot get enough of Madina Lake's new album. Is it bad that I like it more that FTTUTY? I loved that album, but Attics to Eden is just perfect.

I checked my emails this morning, having signed upto Twitter yesterday, and LOOK WHO'S FOLLOWING ME!!

Okay, that's not clear. The top one says "Dan Torelli" and the bottom one says "Nathan Leone". Plus a new subscriber! Good times :D

So, Madina Lake's album (which isn't due out for over a month) has officially been leaked. While this is amazing for me, I feel bad for the band - two full length albums, both of which have been leaked way before they were released. It doesn't really matter much to me, because I'm very happy that I've gotten to hear the songs a whole month early, but when it comes out in a months time, I'm still going to be forking out about £15 for the album.

But I've listened to the whole album now (on my second listen) and there isn't a single song that I don't like. Much like the first album. I <3 this band. Cause of this, here's a picture of me with Nathan Leone, who is my ultimate hero.


I've trapped myself in a ring of fire

Today has been awesome! After I've posted this blog I have to do revision though, which will bring the awesome levels of this video down to about 1. At the minute it's on about a 14/15 though.

Philosophy wasn't as painful as it has been for the past few weeks, but that was because we watched Bring It On! I love that film. Ethics was a big old yawn though. Me and Simon went for out luvsux meeting, but it was more of a Top Secret Plan meeting, which I loved. Oh! And I bought this cuddly frog from the Card Factory for 99p! I called him Frog the Frog. I was going to call him Shmimon the Second, but I do already have my fish. Anyway, here's a picture of Frog the Frog. <3


And we went in another card shop, and they had these terrible cards, which were like "Don't Kill Yourself" with poems on them and they were just AWFUL but HILARIOUS at the same time.

Revision calls, so I'll be back later. Probably not to blog because I have nothing to else to say about the day, apart from it was just made of win and good things. Like Frogs.

I've had a pretty good day today. I had Philosophy and Ethics first thing, which kind of sucked. I'm hating school more than ever right now, but I only have Philosophy and Ethics tomorrow, and then I'm off for a luvsux meeting with Simon. I'm not too sure why we call them luvsux meetings, cause we talk about our terrible excuses for love lives for about five minutes, and then talk about innane shit that I can only talk to Simon about. Like Desprate Housewives, haha. Anyway, like I was saying, one more lesson, and then I'm off school for a whole two weeks. Maybe that two weeks off will make me feel better about having to go to school for another four weeks before I leave forever. That reminds me, I need to try and get my prom ticket soon.

So I'm excited that April's here. I'm seeing Madina Lake this month, and The Rasmus and Backyard Babies on the 11th. I'm excited for my first concert this year, and I think it's my first ever concert in the company of Simon :D

So anyway, today. After Philosophy and Ethics, me and Claky went down Nottingham, where I bought manga, Studio Ghibli films and this cute little phone charm. I bought some other stuff too, but those were the main things. I'm watching Laputa: Castle in the Sky, and the Robot in it kinda reminds me of Quasimodo. I also bought Nausicaa because Simon rates it so highly. I don't have that many left to go before I have them all. I know I need The Little Norse Prince (which I don't really want to see that much) and Porco Rosso. I swear in nearly every Studio Ghibli film I've seen, they've had a character who reminds me of Yubaba. Now that was a scary woman.

Oh, in Waterstones, Claky dropped a load of books, and it was the most hilarious thing ever.

Right, I'm going to go, watch Laputa properly and then read Oh My Goddess! Volume 2. Very, very, VERY happy with the manga I bought today :]

Two Studio Ghibli Films: £8 each.

Three Mangas (2 Oh My Goddess! and Volume One of Yu-Gi-Oh): £18:99.

This brings my Studio Ghibli count to 13 films, and one pre-Ghibli film.

And I now have 40 mangas o_O

Proper blog later.

I hate parents evening with a passion. It's just an excuse for teachers to bitch about you to your parents when you're sat there trying to find something else to do but look people in the eyes. I think my philosophy teacher is amazing, honestly. But some of the stuff he said to my parents today really hurt my feelings. Apparently if I work my fingers to the bone for the next ten weeks (how many weeks there are until my exams) the highest grade I can expect is an E.

I really want to do well and go to university. I can still go, but it'll cost me another year of my life, and I'd have to take a foundation course. The minus sides are, I don't want to do it because I want that other year of my life, and I want to move away from home. The plus sides are that I would get to stay in Nottingham, with familiar people, and surroundings, and I wouldn't have to move. I've never moved house before in my life. The house that I'm in now has always been my home, and a part of me doesn't want to leave it. But there's this much bigger part of me that just wants to get out. Oh, but the really, really, really big plus side to me staying in Nottingham is that I'll have a car.

I really want a car.


Ps: failed at quitting smoking. Bad day to choose.

I've not smoked yet this morning. It's 11:21, and I'm shaking a lot because I don't have any nicotine in me. It's not fun. I doubt I'll be able to quit. I really, really doubt it. But any money that I save is going to go straight on Manga - which is my other addiction. For sure.