I really miss Hiro on Heroes being all cute, like when he met Charlie, and before he knew she died, he came out of the bathroom all smiley and stuff.

That's about all I can write about today. I'm doing okay not being on the internet. I just came to check my emails, so I thought I'd make a post about Cute Hiro. <3

I really suck. I'm trying hard to just ignore how shit I've been feeling. And I just can't do it anymore. I'm going to post my Vloggerpals video later (which is going to be the worst so far, no doubt) and then I'm just going to leave the internet alone for a while. Probably until next Tuesday when I have to post my next video.

In my Ethics lesson yesterday, I wrote something that I'd intended to post here, but I read it back about ten minutes ago, and I threw it away. There were just some things that were too messed up to post here. Some of the thoughts I'd been having, some of the dreams I've had, and I just didn't feel like being too honest with everyone.

I might come on here now and again to vent, but I'm avoiding everything otherwise, because I just can't deal with it. I just feel like I've wrecked the one relationship that really meant the world to me. Man, I just need to get the hell away from here. And I can't stop thinking that.

It's 08:12 in the morning, and I should have left for school a while ago, but I woke up late because I didn't get to sleep until early this morning.

I know I haven't really updated on here that much in the past week, and I'm meant to have written in it everyday - the reason is that so this year doesn't become some sort of vauge blur, and I can remember all the cool stuff I might have done when I look back over it.

But over the past couple of days, I've gone back to writing in my private diary because a lot of stuff happened that I'm not comfortable posting on the internet. I know there's only about three people who really read this, and they already know what's going on, but it's still not within my comfort zone, so I'm not going to do it.

It kind of feels like my world is just slowly peeling away, and it's revealing this whole other ugly layer which I don't want to see. And there's really no way that I can stop this happening, because I can't take back the things I've done, or said.

I really need to get the hell out of here.

So, yeah, I thought I'd forgotten the password to my blog, but it turns out that I was just using the wrong email. Ooops.

So on Thursday, me, Claky and Laura went out drinking. I know I got quite drunk, and probably spoke shit for a while (memory = fail) until Laura got ill, and then I just had to force myself to sober up. It was a horrible experience that I don't really want to re-live, but I'm glad that Laura's okay now anyway.

Nothing really that interesting happened on Friday, so I won't write anything about that.

Yesterday, me and Claky went down into Nottingham and did some shopping. I always have a great time when I'm out with Claky. Plus, I got myself a new Studio Ghibli film, some more Yu-Gi-Oh DVD's and 5 new books. Oh, and some awesome t-shirts.

I don't have much else to say.

We called today Ghibli Day, though we got through half of Pom Poko and just gave up on the idea of watching films. But I've had such a brilliant day. We've danced in front of my house, we've sang, we've done the Alcohol Free Chardonnay Challenge, and had a good time in the process. I wish Simon could have stayed a little longer to meet Charlie, but I'm sure he'll get the chance soon enough. Tomorrow, me, Laura and Claky are going out for drinks and such, and I'm sure tomorrow's going to be just as good as today.

Today was dampened a little after everyone left, but Claky was there to cheer me up, and I honestly believe I'm lucky to have such an amazing person in my life - in fact, all of my friends are incredible human beings, and I believe that I'm one of the luckiest people in the world.

we are watching pom poko, this guy just said this thing and it was hilarious, i cant think of what it was but it was funny.#
this is claky by the way.
we wrapped some mike and ikes up in chocolate wrappers to give ebbie mind fuck xD
WE ARE TAKING PHOTOS CAPS LOCK. i love the music on this film is awesome. ebbie is now explaing to simon how to work her camera. im pretty much just commentating whats happening. shes recording me writing this. i just told her to go away xD
ill let simon write something now. WUT THE HULL

Ohh this is weird! It's Ebbie again, todaysb been pretty damn awesome. Laura and Simon and Claky are here and i just drank some absolutely awful Welch's Grape Soda. I hate you Charlie! Earlier i turned into a bottle of Dettol, it was a very wonderous experience. Anyway- MADINA LAKE IN APRIL! AHH! I GOT TICKETS 2 & 3.
I'm also a tranny.

oh my god that was hilarious =D laura is reading this. hi. ebbie is trying to but failing.
(Y)

this has to be the best blog ever. (its claky, again)

I got chills, they're multiplying and i'm losing control cos the power you're supplying IT'S ELECTRIFYING!!! you gotta shape up cos i need a man, etc.etc.etc. oooooh! arrggghhh! bblaaaaahhhh! simon goes *hiccup* *hiccup* "fire burning brightly" "water flowing swiftly" claky could be a voice actor and wants to be. aaaaaaarrrrggghhh! this was E-Coli (or Laura whatevz ) speaking. and singing. and making strange noises. Im done. finished. The End

Today's been a pretty bad day, and there's not all that much to report on. I have Guinness though, and that makes me feel better. I ended up going to bed at half six this morning, which I really shouldn't have done in hindsight.

So, I just did this drawing of Kenny, Kai and Tyson from Beyblade (I was going to do Ray and Max too, but I just lost interest, so I didn't) and I just thought I'd post it up here, since I quite like the way Tyson turned out. Kenny reminds me of a frog for some reason, and there's just something odd about the way Kai looks in my drawing. And I've just noticed, Tyson has no eyebrows.

I know it's another crappy photo, taken on my camera, I don't have a scanner, I'm sorry.

I decided to watch the extended version of Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring and I've seriously forgotten how long these versions are. I've nearly finished disc one, I've just paused it to write this. And then I move onto disc two, which should be good. I always feel like watching LOTR after I watch The Hunchback of Notredame. It's weird, I always seem to have an urge to call Judge Claude Frollo, Judge Claude Frodo instead, and that makes me want to watch LOTR. So I'm going to go back to that I think.

Oh, but before I do go, the sky outside my house today looked amazing, so I took a photo of it. So I'll share that, and then I'll go to see how Frodo turns out, even though I know xD

I've just spent about two hours on this drawing of Kai from Beyblade. And I'm not sure if it's even that good. I really fail at art. I swear.



('scuse the dodgy angle of the picture, I took it on my camera xD)

I miss the Disney movies from the 90's, like Mulan, The Hunchback of Notredame and stuff like that. Both of those films are films that make me feel sad, and nostalgic. I feel that now Disney has been tarnished with films like Camp Rock and whatever else. It also reminds me how what I watched for entertainment wasn't white-washed and censored for my own good - Disney had some really dark story lines and imagery. There's been someone being burned alive, someone stabbed and someone being shot in the ones that I've watched today. And the lyrics in some songs were so dark and if I'd known what they were when I was younger, I might have even been a little disturbed. I miss the amazing Disney movies where they didn't make terrible sequals to cash in.

Claky came over today. He's here right now and we're watching Final Fantasy. It's about finished now. And he's leaving soon D:

But I've had a really nice time with him :D

Officially my favourite Julia Nunes song.

We don't write notes anymore
But that's alright, I've gone through this before
It's been three weeks since we have spoken
And look at me
My heart's not broken

And I've tried hard
To prove that I am strong
But you know
And I know
That I've been wrong
And it's not fair
To blame this all on you
'Cause we all got reasons
For doing the things we do
But I gotta tell you
I'm not amused

Well I'm not sorry for the times
I left you in the dirt behind me
You'd do the same thing if you were me

I like how the song can switch between being really upbeat and really not. It makes me wish I could write songs. But I've tried, and I'm really terrible.

I was just reading back, and it just seemed really random that I don't want to delete my nanowrimo video because that was the one that got me and Charlie talking.

So there's a couple things that I want to say, because I'll probably forget if I don't.

1) I can be very sentimental. I'll keep stupid things because they remind me of good things. And you obviously know that me and Charlie met because of that video.
2) Over the last couple of weeks, with Vloggerpals, and our numerous Skype conversations, I actually consider Charlie to be one of my best friends. I don't know why, but he's someone who's playing a pretty big role in my life right now, and he's a very special person to me because of that.

So therefore, I can't delete my nanowrimo video.

Plus my brother + village people outfit = lulz.

Today, I drew a cat face on for no reason. I forgot that it was waterproof eyeliner that I was drawing it on with. Now I'm not sure if it's going to come off my face in time for tomorrow. FML.

I'm actually rethinking what I'm going to do with my personal channel. I used to make Vlogs, but that seems kind of old now because of a couple of things.

1) I have this blog, so making vlogs would be repeating what I say here, really.
2) I have a collab channel where I vlog 2/3 times a week.

So I'm kind of at a loss what to do with my personal channel. I just went and deleted all the videos that I thought were lame. I haven't gotten rid of loads of them, just a couple. I got rid of my NMH 2 video, Amazing, and a couple of others that I can't remember because they were just utterly pointless videos. There's a couple of videos that I want to get rid of (Simon Made Me Do It, and Nanowrimo and The Wedding Weekend) but I can't, because a) Simon loves that video xD and b) the nanowrimo video was the video which got me and Charlie talking.

I'm never going to delete Xmas in Hell, or any of the videos that are with Claky, but the others aren't really safe for now.

I'm just not sure what I should do with that channel anymore. My vlogs weren't even funny, so it's probably a good thing that I don't really want to do them anymore. I just need to rethink that.

But in other news, I'm getting my ML ticket today :D

And it can be full of cruel and hideous people.

I'm excited. Oh, so excited. I have driving. But I want the ML tour now.


MADINA LAKE have confirmed a UK headline to coincide with the release of new album ATTICS TO EDEN on the 27th APRIL.

Tickets are on sale 9am Wednesday morning (11/02) and the dates are as follows:

Tue 28th Apr - Leeds Met Uni
Wed 29th Apr - Nottingham Rock City
Thu 30th Apr – Glasgow QMU
Fri 1st May – Manchester Academy 2
Sat 2nd May - Newcastle Academy 2
Mon 4th May - Sheffield Corporation
Tue 5th May – Birmingham Academy 2
Thu 7th May – Cardiff Solus
Fri 8th May - London Electric Ballroom

I litrally had one of the best days at college today. I'm attempting to upload the pictures to facebook now, but it's kinda slow. There's a couple of photos that I really adore from today, and some of them are just fucking hiliarious. I don't know which one I should upload here to show you what it's all about. I have 117 to choose from. Haha.

Simon kept drawing 'friendship lines' on me today in Ethics, and made me say "I'm not line," everytime he drew one. I have seven. Surprisingly, we got nearly no work done, ahaha. I don't know what it is about cameras that mean that times are fun. I'm just sure that I want to have more pictures with my best friends before we all go our seperate ways for university. God, I'm going to miss them so much.

I decided on a couple of photos.

I really wish this fucking video would hurry up and upload to youtube so that I can go to bed o_O

I was making my video today, and I accidently took a picture, rather than starting to record my video, and I actually really like it. So it's now my myspace and facebook default picture. Haha.

Thinking about it, I'm just going to put my laptop on charge and go to bed, so when I wake up, my video will be uploaded, and I can go to sleep now.

I'm one tired-Ebbie.

Well done for guessing all of them right, Simon xD Love you [less than three]

My wrist is hurting. It feels like its starting to dislocate or something. It's horrible.

See if you can figure out which one is you:


I'm really excited that we're starting to become a lot closer, even though we've always been pretty close. I'm really going to enjoy gossiping with you in that cafe in Sutton for the rest of the time I'm living around here. I do love you, so very much, and I really hope you know that. Thanks for being a brilliant friend, that I've always been able to count on.


I adore you. You've been so amazing to me, and you're completely inspirational to me. I wish you could really see how amazing you are. You've been my best friend for nearly two years now, and I'm very thankful to have you in my life. You've really helped to boost my confidence, and I feel like I can really be myself around you because you won't make any judgements about me. When I move away, you're definately the person who I'm going to miss the most. I don't really know how I'm going to manage without you being there, because you've been supportive of everything that I've ever done. I love you to pieces, and I hope you don't change, ever.


I think it's great that we're getting to know each other over the internet, and I feel like it's actually starting to change my life. Haha. That sounded cheesy. I really hope that I do get to meet you sometime, because I have a feeling that it would be amazingly fun. I'm really loving getting to know you, because it really is so much fun.


I wish that we hadn't fallen out, because now it just feels like it was really wasted time. I really do love you to bits, and I hope that we'll still be friends after everythings said and done. I'm so sorry about everything.


I miss you so, so much. I really have fun whenever I see you, but I've only ever really met you three times. I wish that we lived closer so that we could hang out a lot more. Even though we don't talk as much anymore, I still consider you as one of my best friends, and I love you ooodles.


I may be feeling bitter right now, but I still want us to be friends. But I'm just fed up of you always managing to hurt me.

Though yesterday my day was ruined, somehow I feel better today. I didn't sleep well last night, at all.

I'm watching season two of Heroes at the minute, and I can't help but feel that it's the worst season. I just don't get the point of some of the stuff that they put in it, because it just doesn't link to anything. And because of the writers strike, the whole virus plot was pretty pointless too.

Season One was amazing, season two was alright, and season three so far has been incredible!

I feel that the last five or six months were for nothing.

That feeling was some sort of facade.

I stayed up until about one this morning talking to Claky and Charlie. Then I went to sleep, and over-layed. Somehow, I still managed to get to philosophy on time so I could listen to this presentation that this hardcore christian from our school had done about prohecies in the bible, and suffering in the world - honestly, I found it fascinating. After which, there was a pointless ethics lesson where we made mind maps.

Then me and Simon went down Sutton for lunch, which I think is going to be the thing we do on Friday's now. The walk down was so much fun, and I don't know why. I just felt really happy, and positive and I forgot about all the crap that's going on in my little world right now. So we get to this cafe, and we both have a large pepsi and a chip cob, which was lovely, and we talked about the notebook, and Simon cried a little bit. Then we went shopping, I bought myself so nice new towels, a couple of books from the charity shop, and a chocolate donut (which I'd had cravings for, for like two weeks now, and in the end, I was just disappointed.) Oh, and I bought Night at
the Museum on DVD too.




Anyway, I get back, and go on Skype. I talked to Charlie for a bit via text, and then we decided have a video chat. It was kinda like meeting him for the first time, because it was very awkward for a while, and neither of us were saying much. Half of the time I kind of forgot to talk because I thought I was watching one of his videos on Youtube, but whatever. I had fun, and we ended up talking for like an hour or something like that. I hope that Claky gets a microphone soon so that we can have three way conversations.

I'm getting more and more excited about the prospect of possibly being able to meet Charlie at the end of August. My mum said he could stay over for a couple of days - providing I'm there at the time and not at Uni and he's not into drugs, nor should he be carrying an axe with him. My mum can seriously rock sometimes.

But right now, I'm feeling pretty lonely. I feel like a lot of people who should care about me don't. And I feel like people are avoiding to me and lying. I hate the feeling.

So I'm going to my first gathering in London in August. I'm excited about it already because Charlie wants to come over from America for it, plus I'll get to spend an awesome time with my best friend before I go away to University! I'm excited, and I really hope that Charlie can come!

One of my best friends, Simon started his own blog, and he's made it look absolutely adorable!

http://iomettltwodb.blogspot.com/

Uhm, what else? Oh, my first snowday ever! And I made a snowman for the first time ever! So I'll put a picture of that in, because I love him. Me and my step dad derek called him Snowzilla! And he's taller than me xD



I'm listening to MSI for the first time in forever, and I really wish I'd gone to see them last month.

It's been about a month since I uploaded a video to my personal channel, because all my video making energy is going to vloggerpals. So this weekend I'm going to spend a couple of mornings making a video I've wanted to make for ages. Hopefully I'll actually do that.

Claky drew this on paint, and it makes me laugh quite a lot, so I'm gonna share that, and then get ready for college.

I'm in school at the minute, and my lesson's been cancelled so me and Simon are playing the awkward question game. (Simon just tried to impersonate Charlie, and just sounded like a british person failing at an American accent. xD)

Simon will be in white yellow pink, I will be in green. :D

Are you gay?
Yes! Would you rather bang Victoria or Bella from Twilight?
Bella!
She's hot isn't she?
No, but she's better than Victoria. Who do you prefer, Rihanna or The Pussycat Dolls.
Pussycat Dolls! Pussycat Dolls everyday of my life! That was terrible. That don't make no sense. That don't neither! Would you rather be a lesbian or god?
God probably. Not that being a lesbian isn't appealing.
-Geeky laugh-
Who would you rather? Kyo or Yuki?
Kyo! Everyday of my life!

Jodiehas joined in, so she can be red!

What is the sexiest part of bald Britney?
I would say her bald head.
Probably her vajayjay... No... Her nice, shiny head!
Would you rather be a frog with no legs or a turtle without a shell?
A turtle without a shell.
Oh you'd be so vulnerable and harmless. You'd be a little harmless thing wouldn't you? You'd be like nyehhh. But at least if you fell on your back you could get back up.
I'd say a frog with no legs.
I'd be a frog with no legs too because you could have a little froggy wheelchair. You'd just be a cute little ball with eyes.
Would you rather hang from the ceiling by your clit or your nipple?
Ew, I'd rather fall to my death.
Nipple.
Would you rather be the lesbian prime minister of iceland, or work in a factory?
I would have to say the lesbian.
Me too! -Claps-
You've got a fanny like a wizards sleeve
-Guffaws-

[I think we've just gone off on the longest tangent ever.]

I'm going now because everyone has lost interest. Bai.

I can never, ever stop loving Madina Lake. Their new song is just incredible.

It doesn't really snow here that often, but I love it. It reminds me of this episode of Fruits Basket (which I'm actually watching now) and it's one of my favourite episodes. What I don't love is people throwing snowballs at my window. It happens.

Anyway, me and my friend Laura took this picture in the snow when we were walking back up from Spar, and it's one of my favourite photos ever. So I'm just going to post it here.

I'm going to this Japanese Culture Con in October and there's a Yu-Gi-Oh Tournoment there, and I'm so excited. I'm not even sure I'm going to enter, because truthfully I suck at the game. But that just means awesome for me. <3