So I'm at sixth form. As you do, I thought that I would update my blog. I'm feeling pretty distant from everyone at the moment. I kinda feel like they wouldn't really notice if I wasn't here.

My mum just came into the room and started shooting her mouth off. And said I can't spend my life in bed. What? I haven't had a lie-in all week, and I feel ill. I don't know what I've done wrong, at all.


Anyway, new VLR. I'm very excited. I love it :D

I just found an english fandub of Motteke! Sailor Fuku, and I just LOVE the lyrics, so I'm posting them here. They're so fun, and great, and kind of relate to the anime too xD


Sailor outfit, I wear it every day, so
I look super cute like those girls in anime, oh!
I wancha, I gotcha, I'll take you want to go,
I said (woo) I said (woo)
Come dance with me darling, darling please!

You don't got a clue when I say to you "aishiteru"
Do you know it means "I love you?"
You're too confused to let any tenderness though,
But c'mon, enough already,

So what if you think I'm a little crazy,
For being a fan of certain foreign cartoon shows?
Baby, catch up, cause you're being too slow,
Cause anime's here to stay!

Go on! Take a chance, and you'll soon see why,
We love it so much, it's a sensation,
Hai! We're all here, lets go for a ride,
Stop, drop and roll, this beat is too hot,
But you can't stop, you can't stop, you can't stop now!

Suddenly you'll open up your eyes,
And realise there's so much more to,
This anime phenomenon you can't ignore.
Heroes and adventures of every kind,
Waiting to amaze you,
Let go, fall in, set your imagination free.

Hang on tight cause we're kicking it up a notch, nya,
You want me? (Yeah!) Come get me (Yeah!)
Oh darling, darling please!

Nothing's as true as a hero who knows what to do,
In the face of evil and darkness,
Nothing's as sweet as a villian met with his defeat,
So what are you waiting for?

For crying out loud! Is it so hard to get?
You haven't even seen the very best part yet!
Places to go, people to see,
Get your freak on, c'mon, follow me!

Hold on! Life is tough, when you've had enough,
Look up! Brand new day, chase the blues away,
Oi! You need passion to feel alive,
When you feel sad and everything's wrong,
I know how to find what you're looking for.

Have you ever wondered what it's like,
To go on an amazing journey?
Then anime is everything you'll ever need!
To feel the thrill of battle, or the heartbeat of courage,
It captivates me,
I'll always have a reason to smile, can't you see?

Almost over, so c'mon, lets make it count, kyu,
You want it? (Yeah!) Come get it! (Yeah!)
It's sugar, sugar sweet!


After this point, it just decends into a slur of sound effects, and repeats both the chorus'.

I totally love this. If you didn't understand why I love anime before, the song pretty much tells you why I do.

I've had a fun day. Claky came over to watch Higurashi with me, and we had lulz. He wrote in my leavers scrapbook, and it made me smile. He drew the cutest riceball ever (onigiri kawaii!) and Kyo the cat, and it just made me very happy. Oh, and he's doing a bunch of panels with some of the memories of us in it. I thought that it was amazing. And he wrote me a postcard with a Panda on it, and it makes me smile a lot. Panda's are my favourite animal. What I really want is a big Panda plushie. I'm so tempted to get a Steiff Panda. I have a Steiff bear, and it was extremely expensive, but I adore it. It's like £40 for the smallest one. Here's a picture the one I want. I want to save up for it. A lot.

Isn't it cute?!

Okay, I've gone from talking about Claky and Higurashi to talking about Panda's. I'm listening to Sixx:Am. Have some lyrics as an ending to this random blog. xD

Omg, I hate the impulse buying thing that I do.

I bought a bunch of stuff that I really do not need today. I decided that on the 1st of April I'm gonna try and quit smoking, so I bought a purse to put my stop smoking money into so that I can buy some more manga (and it's a lovely purse, and it was £3). I had some photos printed off today for my yearbook, bought some Little Tokyo's, a Chinese paper fish (called Shmimon. Simon got one and called it Webbie.), Timotei! and some other stuff that obviously can't have been that good since I can't remember anything else xD

I had a really lovely time with Simon. We had Chip Cobs on our Luvsux meeting, and talked about everything that we wanted to, and we went shopping and discussed what we would be doing at the end of the school year. And I've had two prints of this photo (one for the corkboard, and one for the yearbook) and it's already been uploaded onto facebook, but I absolutely adore this photo:



So today has been totally awesome. Claky's coming over tomorrow to watch Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni :D

I love emails. They bring me so much happiness.

First email to talk about would be the one I got from my sister. Basically, the baby is fine, and she's leaving New Zealand in a couple of weeks to go and stay with her friend Livvie in Australia for a month or two, and then she's coming back to England, and I'll get to see my sister for the first time in about two and a half years. I'm so happy about this. She thinks that she's having a boy, but I think she's having a girl. So one of us is gonna be right, ahaha.

The second email would be one from Ucas, telling me that my status has been updated. Nervously, I clicked on the link, signed into my ucas account and there it was: I got my conditional offer from Manchester Met University. This university was the best one that I applied to, and they've given me a conditional offer. So Manchester Met is the first choice of mine, and the second would be Wolverhampton.

I can't tell you how happy this makes me. Since no one's online, I'm going to put a film on and do some revision. Background noise helps me work quite well :]

Happyhappyhappy. I hope claky comes online later so I can tell him the news :D

<3

Does anyone have those songs that they don't listen to for ages, but they listen to it again and they just fall in love all over again?

Totally just had that with Uncomfortably Slow by Newton Faulkner.

It makes me pretty sad to know that when I got into his music, barely anyone knew about it, and he had like, 1000 friends on myspace. And when I went to his show I was right at the front, and I was singing my heart out, like everyone else in the room. He created such an amazing atmosphere. I would love to meet him so that I could tell much how much I adore his music. But now that he's playing sold out shows across the UK, I've sort of lost hope for that. But I still adore him. And I really relate to this song, it makes my heart ache a little.

Started off this morning with a blazing arguement with my mum, which resulted in her throwing all of my clothes away, and her screaming at me for a good half an hour, making me late for psychology, so I ended up skipping that lesson.

The free lessons that I had with Simon and Claky were fun though, and they cheered me up.

Philosophy was just a huge fail though. We had to do an essay (Religious language makes more sense than ethical language. Wtf?) and I couldn't do it. I was away from school when we'd learnt about that, and I didn't know the stuff. So my teacher kicked me out of the lesson (which pisses me off because two lessons ago, I was kicked out, one lesson ago I was moved to the other side of the classroom, and then this lesson I was kicked out again) and when I came back, he talked to me outside and said there was no point in me going to his lessons anymore. Then I just burst into tears, had to go back into the classroom, have Simon comfort me and take me outside again because I just felt so crap. And then when my ethics teacher walked into the classroom, she looked at me like I was a piece of shit.

I'm really fed up with all this school stuff, and I can't wait to leave, although I'm fairly certain that I'm not going to pass my exams, because I don't have a freakin' clue what I'm meant to be doing.

So I came home, and had to spend an hour salvaging what clothes I could from the bin (but I lost a lot in the process) and since then I've been sat feeling very upset, and crying quite a lot. Which is the reason why I asked Claky to fill in for me today on Vloggerpals. If I'd made a video, it would have been terrible, and horrible to watch. I think I made a good decision there.

But to end this blog, I'm just gonna copy and paste a conversation between me, and this very special guy that I'm lucky enough to be able to call my best friend.



Ebbie [i wish i was legendary girl a] says:
i mean, i don't want to sound ungreatful, because my mum gave up a lot for me, but i just wish that she didn't take out all of her problems on me, because it makes me feel useless. like, i can't even make my mum happy, how am i ever going to make anyone happy? and i can't make my mum proud, so i'm no one is ever going to be proud of me. i just feel like for the rest of my life, it's going to be me, and just me, and at the end of my life, i'll have made no one happy, and no one is ever going to know who i am. there's so much stuff that i want to do, but i'm aiming too high, and i just want my mum to be happy, and i want her to be proud of me, but nothing i ever do is good enough

Claky says:
im proud of you if it means anything, and i know what you mean about the whole not being remembered i feel like that all the time, about anything i do "hows this gonna make a difference"
and although your mum doesnt show it, and she shouts, and nags, she really does love you and is proud of everything you accomplish, parents are just born with that in them, just cause you piss each other off doesnt change that she'll always be proud of you and love you in one way or another, its what parents are for.

I spend a lot of time in Nottingham, and I've decided that from now on, I can't afford to do that. I always spend more money than I intend to, and come back with, well, not that much. I bought two books today (Oh My Goddess Vol. 1 and Yu-Gi-Oh! Duelist Vol. 1), Enduring Love on DVD, a scrapbook, some awesome coloured sharpies, a couple of keyring things, some stickers and some postcards. All of that, pretty much was stuff I didn't need. The only thing I really needed was the scrapbook (I freakin' ADORE my scrapbook), but the rest was impulse shopping, and I think that impulse shopping is the worst kind of shopping ever. It's like a disease. And no one can control it.

I suppose that is bad news considering I'll be living on a terrible budget once I get to university, but at the same time, I'm NOT going to be living a 45 minute bus ride away from Page 45, Fopp, or Forbidden Planet. But those are the shops that I'm going to miss. But from now on, so I can try and save some money, I'm going to be ordering my manga from Amazon when it's at 1p per book. Terrible condition - possibly. Bargin - definately.

But me and Claky did have fun. We were planning to go and see watchmen, but I was hungover from last night. So I suggested that the cinema would not be a great place to get rid of that.

Last night, by the way, was amazing. I had a great time. I'm hoping that I'll have some photos to show from that later. I know that there are photos of me and Laura doing Karoke (Every Time, by A1 FTL!) and probably others that Simon took. Ahaha. Great night, too many JD and Cokes, and that last Smirnoff Ice about killed me.

I had the best night ever, I'm drunk, about to pass out, but I'm happy. I love Simon. He's the only person who feels how I do, and I appreciate how brave he really is. He's my second best friend ever. I love him so much.

Ebbie [i wish i was legendary girl a] says:
if it makes you feel any better
Ebbie [i wish i was legendary girl a] says:
i'm there in mexico with you
Ebbie [i wish i was legendary girl a] says:
but china = japan
Spark ...I'm So Three-Thousand And Eight, Your So Two-Thousand And Late. says:
noo it has to be china cos remember
Spark ...I'm So Three-Thousand And Eight, Your So Two-Thousand And Late. says:
Sometimes i think you want me to touch you,
But how can i- when you build the great wall around you
Ebbie [i wish i was legendary girl a] says:
but japan is my place
Ebbie [i wish i was legendary girl a] says:
you and him can have china to yourselves, kthx
Spark ...I'm So Three-Thousand And Eight, Your So Two-Thousand And Late. says:
ok
Spark ...I'm So Three-Thousand And Eight, Your So Two-Thousand And Late. says:
But for now i'm alone there so visit me ok
Ebbie [i wish i was legendary girl a] says:
no, cause we're both in mexico

I know I haven't posted a blog since sunday, but there's been so much going off, I just didn't have the time. Basically my nephew went into hospital, and I've been looking after my niece, and this blog was the last thing on my mind.

Anyway, you know those things that people do with their skype list, where they just say things about their contacts? I've decided to do that with my MSN contacts, because I have all of two contacts on my Skype xD

So here we go:

-I miss working with you, you were seriously the coolest employee at McDonalds ever.
-I don't like you, I've never liked you, and I just think that you're a pathetic rasist to be honest.
-What happened with us was a big, drunken mistake, I hope that you don't hate me
-I miss hanging out with you after gigs in Travelodges. You were so sweet.
-I kinda wish that I could talk to you the same way we did when we first met
-I really don't like the fact that you only ever talk to me when you want something.
-I love you. I love you. I love you. More than you could ever comprehend.
-You snore. Really loudly. It scares me.
-I'm glad we're friends again. But what you did still hurts me, a lot.
-You are the most elitist person I have ever met.
-I haven't seen you in forever, but I adore you. You're one of the best friends ever.
-I'm glad that we're friends. We don't know each other all that well, but I consider you one of my best friends.
-I can't believe how much you've grown up, I'm so proud of you.
-I wish that we could talk how we used to.
-I know that we don't talk anymore, and I'm glad. You really fucked me off, and I'm still pissed.
-I love our lovesux days

That's about all I can muster. See if you can guess which one you are. :]

So I just spent most of last night watching The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya in English (I'd already seen most of it in Japanese) and I've spent a lot of my afternoon watching Lucky Star. I've just finished episode six, and I love it, although it does seem very random at this moment in time. I'm not sure what the point of it is, but I'm really enjoying it. And Konata Izumi from Lucky Star is ridiculously similar to me (minus the lack of height and the immense blue hair).


Though right now, my favourite anime is Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni. Murder Mystery Anime? Is there anything more perfect? I love the characters, I love the fact that there are alternate endings, I love everything about that anime. I'm very tempted to carry on watching it in Japanese, but I do prefer English Dubs, as opposed to subs (I buy Manga to read, I don't want to read my anime too). At the same time, if there's something I want to watch badly, I'll take any language I can find.

This got me thinking about the first anime I ever bought on DVD. I remember it really well, and it's unexplainable. The first anime DVD that I ever bought for myself was Volume One of Oh My Goddess!. I fell in love with it. I loved Belldandy, and Keiichi. And I thought the story line was so interesting. I must have been 13 or 14 when I bought that.

The first manga I ever bought was Fushigi Yugi. I was on holiday in Newcastle, and I picked it up and bought it on a whim. I loved it. Honestly, in comparison to the other manga that I've read since then, it's probably my least favourite out of all the series I own. But I still want to see where the story goes, so I'm going to try and collect all of that series. I still haven't managed to own a complete collection of manga. I always find something else that I want to read and I end up buying that, rather than carrying on the story that I've already started reading. Though I only need five more Chrono Crusade books before I have them all, so I might start picking them up when I go into Nottingham, because I think that story is awesome.

I told myself I wasn't going to buy anymore series until I'd finished the ones that I'd started. But honestly, I couldn't resist buying the Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni manga. I can't wait until it get here. And I also bought the Haruhi manga after I'd said this as well, but who cares?! It's a freakin' Haruhi Suzumiya manga (which I read when I was in the hospital waiting room the other day and it was so freakin' sweet).

Well, I've rambled about manga and anime enough. Basically, I love anime and manga because I see a lot of interesting things happen, and a lot of cool stories told in a way that can hold my attention for more than a few minutes. I love the idea of adventure, and in a lot of anime and manga, adventure happens. So now you know.

I just want to put these two photos in that were on Dailybooth. I love them both xD


Note to self: Buy Enduring Love on DVD.

I'm watching Forrest Gump by myself right now, and I have a serious love for this film.

Claky's been over all day today, and I've had a right laugh. We just watched a bunch of films and TV shows, and I scowled at Digimon and made snide comments about it, but it was so much fun. I'm actually pretty sad that he had to leave. But it just reassures me that after Prom everyone is gonna have an amazing time. I'm seriously looking forward to it.

And Simon completely succeeded in making me smile a couple of seconds ago.

I hope that me and Claky can do something like this again soon, cause I feel quite happy at the minute.

I can't believe I got a B in my investigations exam - I did no revision, I did nothing differently and my grade bounced up from a U to a B. I know that a lot of people who are on the internet are very, very clever people, and I can safely say, I'm not in the particular group. I've never been that academic, but I really think that my creativity makes up for it. I've accepted the fact that I'm not clever, but my mum seems to think otherwise. She thinks that I'm the cleverest out of all her children, and that I'm definately going to go to university and get my degree. Okay, the truth is there probably is some sort of intelligence in my body, but I'm lazy. I procrastinate more than Claky and never get around to doing my essays and such. Because I'd rather watch a film that I've seen hundreds of times, or read a book where the spine is slowly starting to peel away. I know that my family think highly of me, and think that I'm the one who's definately going away to university, and though that isn't what I want to do right now, I want to make my family happy.

To be honest, my family's happiness vastly outweighs my own right now.

But regardless, I am very proud of that B.

I feel pretty shit today if I'm completely honest. I don't want to go into detail as to why I feel so crap. But I will say it hits you fucking hard when you realise that no one would care if you disappeared tomorrow. Maybe disappearing would be a good option. It's never a good day when you think like that.

Dear Elizabeth,

Thank you for your application to BA (Hons) Crimonology at Leeds Metropolitan University.

Regrettably, you have been unsuccessful in obtaining a place on this original choice. This is because you do not meet course admissions criteria.

We have however, identified an alternative course which we feel is suitable to your aspirations, and would like to make you a conditional offer of a place on BA (Hons) Social Sciences.


This letter irritates me. Have they read my personal statement? Do they even know what I want to do with my life? Do they realise that social sciences is NOT what I need for my career choice? I really need Manchester to get back to me. I know for a fact that I won't be going to Leeds to study something that sounds shit, and that I just don't want to study.

I just watched JohnnyDurham's new video on his secondary channel, and what he wrote in the sidebar really hit a soft spot.

i really like the emotion in this piece of music.
it's so very somber.
i think it reflects the way you feel when something big is changing in your life.
like when you're saying goodbye to friends you know you might never see again.
or when you're moving away from home to start a new life in an unfamiliar city.
you're sad, and you're scared.
but at the same time there's that sense of hope.
that things will be alright.
that good things will be coming your way, even if you don't feel you're quite ready for the changes just yet.

Yes please!

It looks awesome! And me and Claky want to do it together, so if it worked out, I'd be spending 9 weeks in America with Claky, and I'd have a two month travel visa that I wouldn't be able to use since I'd have to go home (or I'm pretty sure I would anyway, not enough time, I swear). But I've never really been to America, and it would just be made of win.

I just had the most mental driving lesson which I don't even want to go into in depth, so I'll just bulletpoint them:

-Some gang riding around on a motorbike with no helmets, arseholes.
-Some old man driving the wrong way up a two lane turning
-Little kid on a moped being chased by the police

That's my adventure for today, I think.

About an hour until the prom dress finishes on ebay. I want it now. Now. Now. NOW!

I'll update when I know if I've won it or not. (y)

I've decided to be harsh on myself. I need to clean my room, so I've banned myself from going out until it's finished. Honestly, I'm terrible at keeping things tidy, and since my back is a whole lot better, I have no reason not to do it.

I made a video for Vloggerpals which I'm going to post at about 9 or 10 tonight since I don't want to throw the views of Charlie's video off. And it's exactly four minutes long. (y)

So I think I'm going to put The Used on, and do the cleaning up thing. Awesome.

When I was asleep last night, I had this dream, which I wrote down. I'm totally going to turn that into a scene in my book somehow. Or maybe just save it for my other book.

I've said this to Claky, so I'll say it again.

Pain in my back = maximum.
Pain threshold = minimum.

I seriously feel like I'm going to pass out.

I ended up getting an emergency appointment at my doctors because of my back. He sent me to the hospital. I waited for an hour, and then I was seen by a doctor who I could barely understand, and then I was carted away onto a trolley, I had blood tests, scans, tubes shoved in me and liquids drained out. After all of that I have to wait for another hour and a half.

In the end?

"Take some paracetamol"

You think I haven't tried that?

Fuckwit.

I have never, ever, ever been in this much pain before.

I'm meant to be doing the ologies today for vloggerpals, but I really have to accept that it's not going to happen.

Basically, I've got some sort of virus, and all the muscles in my back and legs hurt. Not like, "that's a bit uncomfortable" hurt, but the kind of hurt where I want to just sit down and cry. On top of that, I have a cold, and my mums putting so much pressure on me to pass my driving test, do my coursework, revise, and I just feel like I'm about to implode.

I'm not stressed about all that pressure and stuff, because I know stressing won't help. I do feel very helpless though. I just want to go to sleep, and wake up feeling better. But I have driving in an hour, and I have to do that. I seriously don't want to, cause we're doing more 3-point-turns with steeper cambers and I just don't want to do it.

I feel a lot better about myself right now, so I can safely say I'll be back to blogging everyday. I've just signed on and realised that the old layout on my blog was pretty much not working for some reason so I've just changed it to this white one for the time being. I don't like it that much, but I'll just have to deal with it.


So on Sunday I went to Hopton Hall with my brother, Tosh, my sister-in-law, Beth, my Grandma and Grandad, and my Dad and Anna (my step mum). It was nice. I don't really see that side of the family as much as I would like. There's a lot of reasons for that. One being I can't drive, and two being they all live a while away, and I can't actually get there by bus. Once I get my driving license, I hope that I can see them more. But anyway, after being picked up two hours late, and driving for 45 minutes, we went on this walk around the gardens, and to be honest, I wished that we could have done something a little different. Because I barely saw my grandparents because my grandma's having problems with walking and stuff, which isn't really out of the ordinary. But I did get to catch up with my dad, and tell him about which universities I've applied to and how I've been accepted at Wolverhampton. I at least expected him to be a little bit excited, like he was with Tosh, but it turns out that he wasn't really. So I was in a pretty foul mood for the rest of the time we were there, so I just walked around and took these random photos. I think the one that I posted is probably the best one I took, or one of the best. I know - I'm no photographer. But my grandma seemed very pleased that I've nearly finished driving and that I've been accepted into Wolverhampton. And she makes vegetable soup for me when I go over, and it's lush. So yeah, although my dad can be a bit of an arse sometimes, it was nice to catch up with everyone. I hate that bit where I have to leave, because people are like "yeah, we'll see you soon, we'll arrange something" and no one ever does, and you know this when you say it, but it's still something you always say. To be honest, I'll be surprised if I see my brother again before my Grandma's birthday, which is on the first of August.

So yeah, family ramble, check.

Really all that has been going off in my life is talk about prom. I found the perfect dress yesterday, but it was a size 16, whereas I'm a size 8 - 10. So it was the dress I would have got, if it wasn't for the size. I found a nice dress in Monsoon as well, but that was £160, and I don't want to buy that if I'm only ever really going to wear it once.

Okay, talk of dresses is over, I'll stop. Really.

DAILYBOOTH! I love that website so much! Honestly it's so awesome. And it's such a simple idea too.

I have to get ready for school now, and then I have to go and buy a bunch of newspapers and cigarettes, and then come back and sort out this computer and my external hard drive. Good times. Good times.

Me, Simon and Laura have pretty much started talking about prom like 5 year olds. Like "I'm gonna get a green dress and look really pretty. Squee!"

I'm looking forward to it to be honest.