Arc
Friday, 21 May 2010
So, two blog posts in one day, but this is something I never want to forget, ever.
Chris came over today, and we spent all day together, from midday to about 9 this evening. We played on Zelda, and No More Heroes most of the time. We did make a couple of trips to Asda, which was fun. We were outside for about ten minutes while I had a fag, and just decided to lie down on the grass. Suddenly, we had this conversation, starting with Chris.
"It's like in an anime. We'd be like, one of the weird pairings people would make up."
"You mean like the ones that people write fanfiction about, but they don't really know why?"
"Yeah, totally. I don't think I'd be a main character in the anime though."
"Well, you would be."
"Yeah, I would have been, until about now. Now would be the Graduation Arc."
Honestly, the best thing I've heard all week.
Failure.
I failed to do the one thing I'd set myself for this month, which was update this blog daily. I don't suppose that it'll really effect anyone other than myself. I am disappointed that I couldn't do it. I want to remember this place. This place is my home.
I've been stuck in my own world, of late. It's not a happy world, but a world of melancholy, anger and hatred. A world of misunderstandings, and the failure to accept what has happened. A world where every time another person says goodbye, I move further away from the person I was when I first moved in.
Though, this has lead to a few realisations.
The first, I am a strong person. Although, right now, I must seem weak to you, I can assure you, I am not. My heart is broken, but I am still here, ambling along without meaning, or purpose. I'm still unsure of my life. But I still carry on. Slowly walking along the path that I've carved for myself. One day, when I realise where I am going, I will not walk. I will run. I am going to run towards my goal. And when I reach it, I will be content.
The second, I am very much in love. This was nothing new, but I'm slowly approaching my two month anniversary of loneliness. By now, people have assumed that I have stopped hurting. But I haven't. If someone were to ask me "how do you know that you're in love?" I would say "It's something that I can't control. Something I've never had to question. It's just something I know." And that is the most truthful I have ever been. I have never had to sit down and think "is this really how I feel?" I just understand that I am very much in love with Cam. I know that nobody wants me. And I'm okay with that. Because there is only one person who I want.
The third, I feel as if I have disappeared from everyone's hearts. Everyone has moved on from college, smiles on their faces, ready to dive into their new lives. I don't feel that I made the most of my move. I wanted it to be a defining time in my life, and it wasn't. I wasted most of it, yearning for a time that has gone, and will never come back. In that time, I feel as if people have moved along at their own pace, and slowly, I have disappeared from their hearts. Everyone has gone in their own direction. I have stood still, being as stubborn as ever, waiting for them to come back, and now I know, they never will.
I don't know where to go from here, now that this is all out in the open. What should I do? Do my days of loneliness continue from here? I don't know why I'm asking. I already know the answer.
Be alive, Take it,
I have learned a great deal,
Brighten our sweet memories,
Hope there will be a future for you and me,
So believe in your dreams.
009: Compton.
Monday, 10 May 2010
Hello again. I think I just might make this post. So today, I went out with Chris and Megan, which turned into me spending yet more money. This time, on legit things. I bought 4 Zelda games for the gamecube for £15, which is awesome as far as I'm concerned. I'm spending most of my night now with Majora's Mask. Until I get bored, then I'll watch some more anime. I also bought Lucky Star 5 and two more volumes of the Nausicaa manga, which I might polish off tomorrow, because it's on sale for £3.58 an issue at the minute. Can you argue? No. Even people who aren't otaku's understand how amazing Nausicaa is.
Eventually, we went to Compton for a while, which is where I played on Blazblue with Megan and Chris for a while. We also had a fun 20 minutes on Picto-chat on the DS where me and Chris annoyed Megan by spamming "Big Booty Bitches" like fuck. She wasn't amused to say the least. We're going out again tomorrow to the park in Wolverhampton where we spent bonfire night.
Chris has finished his dissertation now, which means he doesn't have any work to do anymore, and this makes me sad because I realise that we have less than three weeks before he moves. This just makes me sad. I'm coming back, Megan's coming back, Chris isn't. As far as I'm concerned, this blows.
I'm also going to tell you about my desk. This sounds really un-amusing, I know. But as I write this, there's a picture uploading. (Edit: Didn't work, I'll try again later) I did my little bit under the desk, because people have written all this stuff under there, like "we were here first 10/1996" and "I've shagged loads of hoes on that bed!" which is less than hilarious, I must admit. I sleep on that, and it always sounds haunted.
Anyway, I wrote my part on there yesterday. I went with "An otaku lived here. Ore wo dare da to omotteyagaru?!"
That means "Who the hell do you think I am?" in Japanese.
008: Cough Cough.
Sunday, 9 May 2010
I'm still pretty ill today, and it's hard to find the will to blog when all you want to do is go to bed and watch Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei. I re-did my anime list today, in the theme of this little blighter, pictured here. He's a Vocaloid, called Len. He's adorable. I'll post a video at the end of this blog to his live song at the Vocaloid concert, because this is what converted me to embrace them.
Almost like I embrace the Kitty now.
I'm doing a lot of sorting out for club. I'm going to be cosplaying to the freshers fayre in my attempt to get more people interested in the club. I've also got a lot of things to sort out in the way of the forum and what I want to show, but luckily, I have a staff to help me out. I realised today, me getting chair is an enormous responsibility that I've taken on, and I had a couple of moments of self-doubt.
I've wanted this for months, and now I've got it, I'm going to run with it, and I'm going to make the most of it. I'm going to do a good job of running club somehow. I've just suddenly got this massive belief in myself.
That's all I can post if I wanna make midnight, so here's the Len video. Watch it.
007: Drunken Fuck.
Saturday, 8 May 2010
This conversation that I just heard was far too good to not note down. I was outside at about half 3 this morning having a fag, as you do. And these two guys stumbled up to the doors of Tyrone drawling out "I can't find my fecking keys." "No! I have your keys, you bastard!"
Okay, nothing too special, but then the first guy threw this gross looking pizza on the floor after his mate had said "mate, you've never been so slaughtered!" This lead to them having an arguement because this guy wanted to eat the pizza, and was telling him to pick it up so he could do so. Then the second guy said "you drunken fuck!" in some sort of rage, so the first guy just slammed the pizza in the door, so the second guy decided to grab it and drag it out from under the door, and as he walked up the stairs, he started eating it. Fucking love Wolvo.
I will do this properly later. I'm not feeling well, but it shall be done!
006: Chairman.
Friday, 7 May 2010
So, as it stands, I am now the Chairman of the Wolverhampton Anime Society. I didn't think there would be so much paper work. But I was up against two other people, Laughing Man and Luke. Apparently they got about 3 or 4 votes a piece, and I got 6 or so, so I'm pretty chuffed with that. Meet Ebbie Brown, the new anime society chairwoman!
I just got back from having a couple of drinks with the guys, and it was sad because it was Chris' last club. He isn't going to be there for my year in power, which is really not cool. I'm trying to brace myself for his graduation meal on the 22nd of May, which I may or may not cry at.
I can't really write anymore because I'm a wtf frame of mind, because I can't believe I got it. No picture today because I can't be bothered to take one. It's no big deal. I'm the chairman, I can do what I want ;D
005: No More Heroes.
Thursday, 6 May 2010
No blog yesterday because I couldn't get on blogger to save my life. I managed to get on after midnight, but by then it was pointless. I have a lot of work to do, so I'll say that this is the view from my window. Good job. Tally ho.
I'm running for club chair tomorrow. Wish me luck. Here's Travis Touchdown to carry on my blog for me because it's 3 weeks and 1 day until No More Heroes 2 is released!
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This count. I feel as if I'm looking at
my future self. Mega bucks, big ass house, fast cars, dining in style with a world class chef, and a trusty nutritionist counting
every calorie. A team of hot yoga instructors to keep me in shape, nurses to attend to my body, maids and loyal servants at my
beck and
call. On the weekend, tan babes knocking on my door every two hours.
Every day full of excitement and luxury. That'd be the life. Everything in it's right place. It's the perfect life, it's the life of winners, that'll be my life. I thirst for selflessness, hypocrites lusting for their own desire to get killed by young rookies like me. This is how it goes down, and for the the old killers? They'll croak anyway.
I guess you could call this a comedy. I realise there's really nothing here for me. But what else can I do but keep going? Maybe I should have been a little bit more careful before I jumped in.
Gotta find the exit, gotta find that exit to paradise. But I can't see it. Can't see anything. There's this sense of doom running down my spine like it's trying to suck the life out of me. I need to get rid of it before I bail.
Something deeper, deeper than my instincts is taunting me.
Can't find the exit.
Can't find the exit.
Can't find the exit.
Can't find the exit.
004: Beating Against My Heart
Tuesday, 4 May 2010
I was crushed by my longing and had given up,
Without even knowing the colour of the endless sky.
I began to run because my feelings, even now,
Are definitely beating against my heart.
It's kinda sad to think that this will be the last photo that I will take of all my manga here. This isn't all of it. I've ran out of room. It's kinda funny that this room could house my addiction to manga right up until the last few weeks. We nearly made it. Sorry I bought so much, shelves, I know you're probably tired of holding up all that stuff. I appreciate it, man.
Today, I finally pre-ordered No More Heroes 2. I'm kinda chuffed with it. I'd be more chuffed if I had the game now, rather than waiting for another 3 weeks, but it's looking like it won't be delayed again; I'm so happy about this, I might actually cry.
As you can see, I've had a few additions to my collection. I can't pick them out right now, but I assume that it will be the odd few volumes of things that have come out, I don't think I've started anything new. Apart from Ultimo and Densha Otoko. I don't remember if I mentioned those before. Oh! I realised, Tegami Bachi is a new addition which I love, and is probably my favourite series as it stands.
I don't suppose it's any surprise that I've got my photos up still. I don't have the heart to take down half this stuff, like the photos from London, or the anime drawing from J-Culture Con. Even though they all involved him, they are really precious memories that I don't want to take down and forget about. I guess I sound pretty stupid.
That's pretty much all. I have a fashion show tomorrow, because apparently I'm a fool and I agree to shit too easily.
Also, as a side note. Claky, sorry I haven't been around much lately. I love you
003: Tyrone.
Monday, 3 May 2010
So while I've been living in Tyrone Halls, I haven't really made that many friends here. I made most of my friends in the anime club. But the friends I did make here were Chris Noir. Kind of a weed smoking douche sometimes, but other times he's a really nice guy. He's not really one of my Tyrone friends anymore because he left here not too long ago and moved over to Powys. Never really speak to him anymore either.
But I did make this amazing friend called Tod, who has been so incredibly busy lately that I haven't had the chance to see him all that much, which kinda sucks hard. He makes me these amazing noodles that taste like pasta. But we hung out earlier, for about two hours. And it was really nice. I told him that I'd bought a Tartan Asia Extreme film, which he'd been telling me about since I first met him in October. I showed him this book that I'd bought about how to draw anime. He showed me some of his incredible drawings, and we came to the agreement, that if I ever publish a book, he has to do the artwork for it. I'm working towards that goal.
Then he had this dodgy tomato soup that smelt like sinks and started acting really weird. He insisted that we had to go to Babylon (we didn't) and that we should hang out again next Monday and go to Babylon (which we may do). Then he started making fireworks noises and he was reading a leaflet for a clubbing weekend, and said "oh, there's foam parties! I bet that means chlamydia spraying!" which is when we called it a night.
He's such a dude. I mean that.
Anyway, today's photo is a picture of my Konata and Yutaka dolls and some leaflets from JCC at the back. I got the Yutaka doll at London Expo last October, and the Konata doll at Kitacon. I feel like Densha, looking back on all this stuff. It could bring a tear to my eye.
002: Vegetable Yaki Soba Noodles.
Sunday, 2 May 2010
Vegetable Yaki Soba
Fried Soba Noodles, white onion and spring onion, garlic, shiitake mushrooms, green and red peppers, pok choi and beansprouts, topped with sesame seeds, shallots and coriander.
Yesterday I went into Birmingham with Chris, Megan and Michael. I had a pretty nice time. Although the previous night, I'd had no sleep because I was catching up with club anime, and having a moment in my life where I felt really empowered. I kinda regret this now, because I was so exhausted in Birmingham, I found it really hard to focus on what people were saying.
But we spent a lot of time in Waterstones, looking at Psychology books. Or rather Megan did, and me and Chris crashed out in the sofas they have in there and he made some inappropriate comments to me, much to the despair of the other customers. Of course, they were jokes, and I could laugh them off, but no one else really understood half the shit he was saying.
Then we went to Woktastic, which is my favourite place to eat ever. I had Vegetable Yaki Soba for my main and Chocolate Fudge Cake for dessert. I want to eat there everyday because it's such a nice meal. The picture for today is a picture of my leftovers. There's a lot to eat there.
Then there were the normal stops, like Nostalgia, and Forbidden Planet, which we spent a lot of time in, and we met up with one of Chris' friends from home. He seemed cool. I felt most of the day feeling a bit bad though because Chris has said to Megan "Do you realise, it's only 16 days before our six month anniversary?" before realising that I was there, and I tried to laugh it off, but I felt honestly so, incredibly heartbroken that it kinda ruined the day for me.
Not really Chris' fault. It's stupid that he should have to censor what he says around me. But at the same time, I want him to, so I can get over this quickly. But to be honest, I think Cam was it. He was the first person I ever, really fell in love with, and that's why it's so hard for me. That's what I think.
Today, I woke up at one in the morning after falling asleep at about six or seven, but I wasn't awake for too much longer. I watched all of Kuroshitsuji before I fell asleep, which was about four episodes. I went to Asda with Tod earlier too. It was the first time I'd seen him in ages. I felt bad that when he was looking at Pasta, I sort of sat on the floor and went to sleep. It was extremely uncool. But I'm glad I wasn't on my own. But I woke up with an unbareable headache, so I came back, went to sleep and decided to bail on Simon's birthday drinking thing. I feel so bad because of it, but similarly, if I'm coming down with something, I don't want that to be an extra birthday present to him.
I'm actually going to go and watch the end of Basquash, and then I'll go back to sleep I think. Not well today, so I'm glad I had yesterday to fall back on for this post.
001: Positives & Negatives.
Saturday, 1 May 2010
"Before I knew it, the staple you used to bind your words pierced my heart."
I love that I own this figure.
I hate that I chew gum weirdly.
I love that I've made such wonderful friends.
I hate that I alter myself around them.
I love that I'm proud of being an otaku.
I hate that it scares some people.
I love that I can call myself a nerdfighter.
I hate that most people don't know what that is.
I love that I've seen my favourite band thirteen times.
I hate that I'm not as dedicated as other people.
I love that I watched the sunrise this morning.
I hate that I'm never motivated enough to do it.
I love that I live in a city.
I hate that I was brought up in a town.
I love that my eyes look nice usually.
I hate that my eyes caused me trouble when I was 11.
I love that my hair looks nice after it's been washed.
I hate that it never stays like that.
I love that I still love him.
I hate that I still love him.
I love that I take great care with my manga.
I hate that I don't take care of anything else.
I love that I feel happy right now.
I hate that I never feel happy anymore.
I love that today I'm starting anew.
I hate that I had to start anew on my own.
I love that I had a second chance.
I hate that I screwed it up.
I love that I've gotten to experience so much.
I hate that I haven't experienced enough.
But I love that I can change that.
And I hate that I doubt myself.
My life is a double-edged sword.
