Remembrance.
Friday, 17 June 2011
I'm going to try to write about something that's been in my life for two years now. I never really talk about it much any more, but I think I need to write this down in an attempt to help me feel better.
I don't know how to deal with loss.
On the 7th of June 2009, I lost my nephew, Joshua. It something that I never really talk about any more. It's not because I don't remember him, nor is it because I don't care. It's just painful. Far too painful. And I don't know why it's so painful, because I never met Joshua. No, that chance was taken away from me all too quickly. But I love him all the same, and I know he would have been the most amazing person in the world.
Honestly speaking though, I don't know how to deal with this. I don't know how I'm supposed to grieve. I've never lost anyone close before, and losing someone who I'd never 'found' in the first place is just something I have no idea how to handle.
I know people have gone through so much worse, like my sister losing her only son for example. But if anyone has any idea how I'm supposed to cope with the thought of never meeting my nephew, and never being able to help my sister be alright, and that causes me so much anguish, I need that help.
I don't want to have to do this on my own any more. I miss my nephew. I miss the thought of him being around, and watching him grow up. I miss my sister, and how she used to be.
Can someone please help me deal with this?
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