I'm Alive
Saturday, 28 May 2011
A lot of stuff has happened over the past week, after me moving and seeing Mayday Parade. I think this post would require a lot more detail than I can give it as we speak, because I'm in Wolverhampton again, using Lewis' computer.
So much stuff has happened, and I don't want anyone to worry. I've had so many missed calls and messages on Facebook that I'm starting to realise how selfish this whole thing has been, but I needed it.
And I need to say I'm sorry. I know this doesn't really have any effect on anyone, but I've just upped and run away from my problems. I need to get this all sorted out, and I'm sorry to anyone that I've troubled. I promise I'll try and change.
Excitement~
Monday, 23 May 2011
A week ago, I was in A&E, and tonight, I'm seeing Mayday Parade live for the 6th time. The last time I saw them, I was with Todd, and that was my last gig. I know who I'll be thinking of tonight, but I still can't wait to see my friends, and enjoy one of my favourite bands live shows again.
I'll post the highlights of my year tomorrow night, probably.
Surviving the Rapture, Goodbyes and Partying.
Sunday, 22 May 2011
Well the world was supposed to end yesterday. Oops, guess that was wrong. A teenie, tiny little part of me wishes that it had happened, and I know that sounds ridiculously bleak, but then I wouldn't have had to deal with the sore skin under my eyes that comes with me bawling my eyes out from pretty much the moment I woke up this morning.
While I'm trying to write this, I have my mum telling me about this film that she's going to watch, and it's kind of distracting. So I'm here for summer now, and I didn't really get the chance to say goodbye to everyone. In a way, I'm kind of glad because I'm very emotionally unstable now. Anyway, we've covered surviving the rapture, so I guess we should move on.
The last couple of days have been very, very draining. I hosted my last club on Friday, and it was a bitter sweet occasion. No one was really watching the anime, but I did play a few games of Magic The Gathering with Megan and then a couple of three-ways with Iain and Andy. I actually managed to win with Megan's green deck against her red deck, and completely owned Iain with the same red deck. I think I'm picking up Magic rather quickly.
After club I had my tearful goodbyes. There are a lot of people that I won't see over summer, and a couple that I'll probably never see again. It was nice when I had a group hug with Lee, Chris and Jon and Lee said "I never noticed how small you are." Always appreciated.
Then, I started packing, and Iain helped me fix the boxes up a little bit, but then had to leave, I got freaked out beyond belief and ended up going back to theirs to stay again. I've had this problem for the last few days about sleeping by myself, and Iain's had to stay in the spare room with me. I've pretty much had this problem since A&E last Monday, but whatever.
The day after, we had a morning of playing Magic on the Xbox, and I'd curled up into a ball because I'd pulled a muscle in my stomach and Qumar came over to play Magic and sort out his cards and stuff. Me and Iain had to go and do the massive portion of my packing that was left, but it wasn't all too bad really. We'd finished by seven, stopped off at Asda to buy 3 bottles of Echo Falls Wine, Pringles in stupid flavours and a small packet of Haribo. Then it was back to the house for the last night.
Qumar had bought me a present of a Peppa Pig plate and bowl with copious amounts of Pandas on them, and spicy Doritos. We had a game of 4 way Magic, and then started on the gaming. In the last few days I've had so many unfinished games of Left 4 Dead 2 with Iain and Qumar.
After we had as much alcohol as we could handle, we started playing on Rock Band. We wanted Bohemian Rhapsody to be our last song, but because we were so bad at it, we decided to do Don't Stop Believing by Journey before Iain was sick and we went to bed.
Although this was some point after a massive rain storm started, so I stood outside for a minute, while Iain refused to come outside and then decided after I was soaking to give him a huge hug. He didn't appreciate it too much. And this was also after me and Iain managed to spill rum and Dr. Pepper up the wall. How? I remember but my dignity cannot take it.
This morning I woke up, turned my alarm off and went back to bed. Smart move because suddenly, it was two hours later, my dad was on his way and I was still clinging onto Iain for dear life. There was enough time for a cup of tea and painkillers before we went back to mine and dealt with the rest of the stuff that I needed to pack.
This is boring, talking about boxes, and kitchens, and hoovering, so we'll skip that part, my keys were handed in, and we're stood in the car park saying our goodbyes. Iain was crying just as hard as I was, and we just stood there hugging one another, not wanting to say goodbye. Then I had to leave and I just cried.
Surprisingly, Iain was the worst of the goodbyes. Kris was a pretty bad one too. When I got back, I was still weeping occasionally. I'm still doing it now as I write this. I think it was so bad because of the fact that one of my dreams came true because of him, and I do consider him to be one of my best friends.
He sat with me in A&E, crashed me fags when I've been in need, looked after me while I was too drunk to even see straight, made me cups of tea in the morning, played on Halo and Left 4 Dead with me, and I kind of feel like he cares. Like, I know he cares, because he's always been there for me, since the day we first met. I don't have to guess.
I can't write any more today, but I'll do something tomorrow to sum up this past year.
The Gig, A&E and Zelda.
Thursday, 19 May 2011
Okay, I really do need to write about this bloody gig seeing as a week ago we were setting up for the damn thing. I actually wanted to make an effort for this post by watching the DVD that Laura made for us of the whole thing, but I've been putting it off. I watching it last night after I got in from seeing Kris, Lee and Andy but couldn't be bothered to take the suitcase off my bed.
I don't really know what to say about it. We had a few technical things go wrong, like really bad feedback. Really, really bad feedback that made us stop and start again in the first song. Glad I have band mates who kind of know what they're doing. Then the acoustic guitar wouldn't work properly when we played the acoustic song, then more feedback. Then there was me acting like a retard because of my nerves killing me. And I forgot the words to the last song. But it was all in all, kind of a success.
I think this is the only time in the last year that Kris actually praised something I've done. And Cam was telling me how proud he was of me. And Todd said he was kind of amazed at how good we sounded. And everyone just seemed so supportive and it was enough to make me tear up just a little bit the morning after.
After we finished the gig, we had an hour or so to kill before the end of the actual party, which I spent a lot of time talking outside with cigarettes with Iain, Cam, Jon, Todd and Ben. And then someone started tampering with our equipment so a few people disappeared. Thankfully, I managed to get a few people to help us carry our amps back, rather than murdering Kris slowly. I rewarded them with Jubblies, and then it was just me, Todd, Ben and someone called Philip (one of Todd's friends, not just some randomer)
After Philip left it was just us three attempting to will ourselves to go to Babylon. We did it eventually, but didn't actually go in. Then we went to the Royal London, and left rather promptly, and then Planet, where we spent the remainder of the night. My priority more than anything was looking after Iain, who was so upset, and looking after Todd who was in one of the most drunken states I've ever witnessed before in my life.
This actually lead to me traipsing to Birmingham at around 4 in the morning just to make sure he was okay, which he was. And we watched Scott Pilgrim on Blu-Ray, and it was awesome.
Since then, I've really not had a lot to do. I was taken into A&E on Monday, and I've been kind of out of action since. I had to leave club before Black Jack even finished, and Iain came with me. It's not something I really want to talk about, but I'm almost recovered now, and nothing too serious.
Iain's been looking after me really well though. I had to have him sleep in the spare room with me because I started freaking out and hallucinating, and I was terrified. I've needed to be around someone for the past couple of days just in case I fall over. I'm going back to theirs tonight because I had the first night alone yesterday and I didn't like it. I feel like I need to be around people.
So, last night I hung out with Kris, Lee and Andy. I'm probably not going to see Lee and Andy until September now, but I said I'd nip around to Kris on Saturday to say good bye properly. We played on Soul Calibur, then a lot of Mortal Kombat, and then watched Andy complete Zelda.
There was also a little side-quest where we wanted take away Chinese food, but everywhere decided to close, so we went to Asda to recover what little food we could that was similar to a take away. I ended up with a Shin Cup, Prawn Crackers and 8 vegetable spring rolls. Kind of a cop out, but it still tasted awesome. Kris had bought Cheese Triangles and we had the conversation of what he could do to make them taste better. Lee's suggestion was snort it. Then Kris said something like it was better than snorting tea. Then the conversation continued like this:
Me: You snorted tea?
Lee: It's reasonable.
Kris: ...What?
I don't know why that made me giggle so much. But anyway, back to watching Andy complete Zelda. We had a laugh doing it. Like Andy was joking that Ganondorf was going to pop out of a tiny chest in the light room in Ganon's tower, and Lee thought he'd be all crumpled up. And when Andy was running out of the collapsing tower, he was just shouting at Zelda for not being fast enough. My favourite part was possibly when Andy was just about to fight Ganon and Lee said "one little hitch" just at the point where he lost the Master Sword, and Andy's face just fell.
All in all, it was a really good night. It was nothing out of the ordinary though, it was how we spent a massive portion of our year. Just dicking around on games and eating food. I'm really gonna miss that corridor. But I'm glad I managed to see them before I left at the very least.
In That Last Dance Of Chances
Sunday, 15 May 2011
In that last dance of chances
I shall partner you no more.
I shall watch another turn you
As you move across the floor.
In that last dance of chances
When I bid your life goodbye
I will hope she treats you kindly.
I will hope you learn to fly.
In that last dance of chances
When I know you'll not be mine
I will let you go with longing
And the hope you will be fine.
In that last dance of chances
We shall know each other's minds.
We shall part with our regrets
When the tie no longer binds.
G-Day
Friday, 13 May 2011
You know there was one thing that surprised me yesterday. I've wanted to be in a performing band before. Since I was about 13 actually. So seven years of wanting to do it paid off yesterday. But it wasn't the fact that we were playing an actual show. What was absolutely amazing was seeing how many of my friends made an effort to be there, even though there was so much going on in Wolverhampton that night.
I don't think I can explain how much I appreciate my friends. I don't think they know how thankful I am to have them in my life and how thankful I am that they're so supportive. I'll write about the gig in a few days, but I needed to get this out there.
The one I was the most surprised about was Todd. He'd said he wanted to go, but he had work the next day, so I doubted he'd be able to come. But he did, and I finally got a photo with him, which is something I've wanted for over a year now.
Vanishing Age and a Mish Mash Post.
Wednesday, 11 May 2011
So, tomorrow is the day. G-Day as I call it, mainly because I'm staying at a house with a lot of books about Z-Day. As I write this, I am sat with Iain and he's playing online Magic The Gathering with some scary looking 10/9 creatures.
I'm just going to make some really disjointed points in this blog today because I have a million and one things on my mind.
1 - We have a lot of practising to do once Lewis wakes up. I'm hoping that's soon because we've basically just got the microphone yesterday thanks to a friend of the house and I have to get used to it really, really quickly.
2 - Surprisingly, I'm not all that nervous. Me and Iain had a little bit of a drunk conversation last night where we talked about how he isn't nervous. He was asking how much I really cared about people's opinions when it comes to this, because we've been a band for all of 5 weeks, and had about a days worth of practice.
3 - We've rehearsed these songs to death, and I know we can do them, and if people think we're shit, then I'd like them to be a band for as long as we have, and then play five songs in front of an audience (which at the minute, according to facebook, stands at 25 people). I'm sure I'm going to post about this on Friday or something, maybe Saturday. But I'm looking forward to the rehearsing today, when things that we've practised like hell really come together.
4 - If you happen to read this on the day of posting, then please do come along tomorrow. If you need details, I'll be around on Facebook when we're having a dinner break. I leave a week on Saturday, and I need to see my friends before I go. I'm getting really rather emotional writing this.
5 - I can't help but feel that I never see my friends any more. I've been staying in this house for over a week now, and I just haven't had the time to hang out and play video games with Kris and Lee. I haven't even seen Andy properly in weeks, and lord knows where Chris Black's disappeared to. I miss Cam, Chris, Lee, Paul, Jon. I won't get to see any of these people over Summer, and some of them I might never see again. There's just a whole load of reasons that I'm unhappy with the timing of things.
Right, I need to actually converse with Iain, and have a cigarette with him, so that's what I'm going to do. Wish me luck for tomorrow. I'd appreciate it.
Weather
Tuesday, 10 May 2011
I'm just going to take a moment to be really British and say that the weather here has sucked for the past couple of days. On Friday, as I mentioned in my previous post, we walked home in a torrential downpour of like, epic proportions. The same freakin' thing happened yesterday. We were walking our mammoth journey as we usually do and it started absolutely pouring down, with like, purple lightning and whatever.
I am not enjoying this.
I have to at least attempt to not get a cold before Thursday.
I'm going to spend my first night at home in a week though, tomorrow. I need it kind of desperately before I implode or kill Lewis. Iain's safe because he's heard me rant nearly every night since Friday. I'm getting to the stage where this stress is just beginning to kill me a little bit and I just cannot take it.
I suppose it give me a little something to look forward to after Thursday though.
Rehearsing, Babylon and Art Exhibition.
Saturday, 7 May 2011
I suppose it's kind of strange that as soon as I don't have BEDA to do, kind of noteworthy things happen.
Well, there are 5 days before G-Day, and we've been rehearsing a fair amount lately. As a matter of fact, I'm sat in Lewis' room while him and Iain are watching Fringe as it's probably the only time I'm going to get to blog any time soon because of said rehearsals. We start using just the drum tracks as of Monday, rather than having the song to back us up. We're not exactly at the stage where I'm confident about the timing or whatever, but it needs to be done before too long.
I actually haven't stayed in my own bed since Monday, because of all this rehearsing for the gig. I've made a little nest in the spare room in the house, so I've barely been online, I'm behind on all the anime ever (aside from The World God Only Knows through a fluke, I swear), and I haven't had time for any society stuff.
Planning a massive event like the end of year party and trying to be ready for it is really taking it's toll on my other hobbies, but it's all over in 5 days and I'm going to treat myself to a day of watching anime, having a hot shower and cooking myself some kind of egg based dinner.
So anyway, aside from rehearsals, we've had interesting stuff happen in the world of Ebbie over the past week, so I'll start on Monday. With sore muscles from the Easter Picnic, I managed to amble to the train station to pick up Laura. This is Laura who I haven't seen or really even spoken to since my birthday. She came up for a night out, but initially, it was going to be just us two going to Babylon.
I had to make a choice to bring her to the house though, because we needed the twenty minutes practice, and pre-drinking where we were was a good idea. Iain and Lewis had a few drinks, and even though they both hate Babylon a little bit, they both decided to come along and we left Lee to his dissertation.
There were lots of bottles of rum, a lot of walking, dancing and multiple flavours of VK's which meant I was that incredible embarrassing drunk, but obviously, I didn't care. I got into a little argument with one of the bouncers at about 10 past 2 and we decided to leave after that. Not before dancing to the Macarena and taking a boat load of pictures.
Then I got back, and was sick, and Laura was asleep and then I had to have Iain stay over because I was going on about how I was going to choke on my own vomit if I was left alone. He was a sweetheart, and we had a girly chat while Laura was asleep on the floor.
I woke up the next morning and felt terrible. After Iain left, me and Laura had a lovely chat about Download, and we had some bonding time before she had to go, so I walked her to the train station, walked to mine, had a nap, and then had to drag my sorry arse to rehearsals, which didn't happen because I spent the majority of the time curled up in the corner of the sofa feeling worse for wear.
That was when I started staying here, and I'll probably be going home today so I can shower and feel like a human being again.
But yesterday was definitely an interesting day. I saw Todd for the first time since his birthday night in Planet, which was about 7 or 8 months ago. He had an art exhibit for his course, and I dragged Iain and Lewis along to it because there was no way in hell I was going on my own. It was really enjoyable, and Todd seems to be doing really, really well for himself. His work was fantastic, and he's started making t-shirts and bags and stuff. It's really kind of awesome.
And there was free wine and beer, so we all took advantage of that as well as the animal crackers. It was really, really cool. He's going to be at the gig next week, and he's going to help us by being another roadie post-show. But that was cool.
We got drunk, walked home in a thunderstorm where I was gripping Iain's hand for dear life because I was terrified. And it was like, serious torrential downpour. Then rehearse, rock band, girly chat with Iain and sleep. And being woken up by obnoxious Ben slamming the door this morning.
And that brings me to now where I'm sat in Lewis' bedroom, and feeling like I should go and join them again. I'll probably write a bit about the girly chat from last night at some other point, because it's something I want to remember quite badly.
